Bachelor
Brad Chooses The One He Wants To Marry

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Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On It

Later on, Brad comes by Chantal's place for a final chat, and she gives him a bottle with some things stuffed in it: a map she "made," by which I mean she traced it from a kid's schoolbook, her swimsuit photo shoot, and a letter about how her world changed when she stepped out of a limousine. "I choose you and I hope that you will choose me. I love you, and I am ready to end this process and begin our lives together," reads the letter. Brad, who completely looks like he's going through the motions with Chantal at this point, says something about how this really puts things in perspective, which is a statement people make after world-shattering disasters. So it's apropos! "Those words were so powerful and so meaningful," he tells us, and they awkwardly embrace before he leaves, calling her "Shanny, Shanny, Shanny." Chantal really hopes she gets picked. And if she doesn't? "I'll be crushed. I'll be absolutely crushed."

And now it's Emily's date with Brad, and she hopes its her "last and final date as a single girl," and she's wearing some short dress that she has to keep holding down so the wind doesn't blow it up and let us see her underwear, if for no other reason than to compete with Chantal in the wetsuit.

They fly in a helicopter to the Cape of Good Hope, where Brad tells her "My family loves you," about fifty different ways, and then talk about what a responsibility it is to come in as a father-figure, and their conversation is super-stilted and awkward, and Emily tells us she hopes she doesn't blow things by overanalyzing everything. Yeah, you'd hate to spend too much time thinking about marrying a guy you've known for six weeks.

So he goes to Emily's place to reassure her that he's ready to be the father figure in Rikki's life. "Em, I want you to give me the chance, and I want her to give me the chance to be an actual father. Not a stepfather," he tells her, and she wants to know what he means. She wants to make sure there are no surprises, because she seems to think that he's not really sure what it means to be a parent. To her credit, I think she's right: Brad can say all he wants about wanting to be there, but there's a huge difference between Uncle Brad and Brad the Dad. But in his defense, what else is he supposed to say? And how exactly, here in South Africa, is he supposed to prove his intentions re: Rikki? Brad gets COMPLETELY flustered by her skepticism, and sweats like Patrick Ewing and has to wipe his forehead and he goes for some water while Emily tells us she's screwed things up. "I really just messed it up big time. Every time anything good happens, my head absolutely sabotages my heart, and I screwed myself." Well, that's a different show on a channel not owned by Disney. Brad leaves and says he's questioning everything. Well, sure. You told her you were ready to be Rikki's father, so I can see how a little "are you sure?" questioning from Emily would completely rattle you.

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Bachelor

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