Bachelor
Brad Chooses The One He Wants To Marry

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Shouldn't Have Put a Ring On It

So it's the big day! Brad gets up with his giant cross tattoo on his back. "Today I have to decide between two incredible women," he tells us, and he talks about how he's ready to commit to Emily but he's not sure she's ready to let him. On the other hand, when he kisses Chantal there's a lot of passion. And then there's Chantal talking about how she doesn't want this love story to end, and Emily talking about how she's in love with Brad and she had enough heartbreak in her life.

And now Brad is brooding about it again, with shots of him literally sitting on the fence, and he's trying to pretend that he hasn't already picked who he's going to propose to. And now he's back at his place, and there's a knock on his door, and ... good god, is that his therapist? Oh, hold on, it's the jeweler, with a selection of rings for Brad to chose from.

Brad picks a ring and says, "There's something about her aura," and then, hilariously, Brad starts telling the jeweler about how the last time he was here he didn't put a ring on someone's finger, but now he's really happy, and the jeweler, who clearly doesn't give a shit, says, "I'm happy for you," and then Brad goes to stand on his balcony and look at the ocean and say stupid things like, "It's the best gut feeling I've ever had in my life" but unfortunately there are two women left. And how do they feel? Well, Chantal is "really scared. Terrified" while Emily is wondering if this is going to be the best day or worst day of her life, and I'm going to be charitable and assume that the "other than the day the love of my life and the father of my daughter was killed in a plane crash" was taken as read.

And there's Brad getting dressed, and Chantal getting dressed and Emily getting dressed. "I'm so confident that I love this woman with all of my heart," says Brad, who unfortunately can't resist adding the beyond-annoying "scares the hell out of me" cliché. Dark-haired Chantal is stunning in black, and blonde Emily is gorgeous in white. So we're going all Black Swan, with the major difference being that I can understand why someone would sign up to be in Black Swan. And then Brad is saying "I'm so confident..." again and how he's scared AGAIN.

Brad's at Proposal Point. Is that a buzzard flying overhead? There's a limousine approaching, with Brad talking about how hard it is to say goodbye. On the biggest and most important day of his life (his words), there's going to be a hell of a lot of heartache.

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