The pair pull up to Ashley's parents' house, which is a modest tract home on a paved street with a manicured lawn. In Maine that is something. Ashley tells the camera that she is almost in love with Brad right now, which makes me like her a lot more. Then she starts shrieking and jumping up and down the moment the door opens. She leaps on her mother, her father, her brother and her sister (who has full sleeve tattoos plus a substantial chest piece, which is not something you normally see on The Bachelor, but should, also, black sheep much?) Then she leaps on Brad for good measure and then sits on his lap and then suddenly the whole family is sitting on his lap more or less and everyone is giggly and freaking out and you start to wonder just how much caffeine they drink up there in the hinterlands of Maine.
The family sits down to their lobster feast. The family toasts to whatever and then Brad gets down to the serious business of making everyone feel awkward by talking about his feelings for Ashley. Brad goes out to the garage to talk man-to-man to Ashley's dad. The dad warns him that Ashley is driven and ambitious and Brad shouldn't stand in her way. Now Brad is worried that he's going to hold Ashley back. Brad then talks to her sister and she assures him that Ashley is in the perfect place in her life to start a solid relationship. Brad is reassured by this and tells the camera so. He also tells us that he doesn't want to leave Ashley's house, he doesn't want to leave Ashley's town (except, you know, Austin forever), and he doesn't want to leave Ashley. But, of course, he does because those are the rules: No schtupping in the parents' house. It's just unseemly. Brad tells us that he can really see a future with Ashley, but we still shrug because his words have no meaning.
Brad criss-crosses the country again landing in Chico, California, Shawntel's hometown. Brad reminds us that he has just had a gut feeling about Shawntel and he really opened up to her on their last date and their relationship is on a whole new level now. He has missed Shawntel and can't wait to see her even though it is kind of obvious to the trained professional eye (that's me! Not really!) that the producers are really excited that Shawntel is still here because her job is the creepiest. I mean, when do we EVER see the bachelorettes job sites? Never. Shawntel walks down the marble halls of the mausoleum she calls home (like in "Hellraiser"!) and reminds us that death is inevitable and that we live in a death-denying society and much like the Miss USA with alopecia, she is on "The Bachelor" in the hopes of getting the word out that we are all going to die. And when we do she would really like us to consider interment or cremation at the Chico Mausoleum. She reminds us that she lives with Death and if Brad can't handle the arrangement, she needs to know now. I wonder if Death leaves the bathroom door open and eats all the cheese and doesn't replace it and borrows clothes and doesn't return them? I hate bad roommates.