Bachelor
Brad Goes on Hometown Dates

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LuluBates: A | Grade It Now!
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Chantal/Shawntel

Chris Harrison greets the women and tells them that this is the shit. This is serious. Do they know how serious this is? 'Cause this is serious. No church giggles. They all nod solemnly. When they meet Chris' exacting standards, Brad comes out to greet them. He thanks them all for introducing him to their lives and letting him meet their families. He pinkyswears that this is super hard and then he picks up the first rose. He stares at it for a good while and then hands it to Ashley. She accepts the rose. He picks up the second rose, stares at it until the music reaches a crescendo and then calls Emily. She smiles and accepts it. Harrison pops out to point out that this is the last rose of the evening. Brad picks up the final rose and stares at the Chantal/Shawntel face-off. He calls Chantal and Shawntel looks stunned. I guess huffing all those embalming fluids has dampened her lady instincts. On the plus side, I guess Brad is more mentally healthy than one might suppose. He asks if he can talk to Shawntel and she agrees. He tells her that he just didn't feel anything but scared when she said she loved him and she deserves more than that. Shawntel is trying not cry, but she sort of snorfles when she says that she's never been treated the way Brad treated her. You mean dating twelve other women at the same time? Yeah, few of us have been treated like that. As Brad walks he to the car, Shawntel pitifully tells him that he is perfect and she wishes him the best and why doesn't he love her? Brad pats her gently on the back and tucks her into a cab that will whisk her far, far away.

Back at the hotel, Brad tells Chantal, Emily, and Ashley that they are going to South Africa! Everyone looks really excited, except for Emily who is probably thinking about how far away that is from her daughter. Brad better not break her heart or the dead husband will totally haunt the shit out of him.

Lulu Bates a.k.a. Melissa Locker is not naming her hypothetical daughter Shawntel. You can follow her on Twitter @woolyknickers.

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