Bachelor
Brad Meets The Families

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Brad Meets The Families

Then she and Brad have a private chat, and in case you either 1) don't get that Bev is kind of a whackadoodle with the whole astrology thing or 2) are distracted by wondering what her nose used to look like before she had it done, a Native American flute pipes up on the soundtrack all, "Oh, here we go." "When you go in the Jacuzzi," Bev slurs, "the Big Dipper is in the sky," something something rocks hitting her, "I knew she was the one. I know she's the one! Whether she's your one, or somebody else's one? I know. She's. The one." Brad runs bars and is used to drunk weirdos, so he just nods indulgently. As Bev embarks on a tangent about Brad's and Sheena's eyes, how "a mother knows," star signs, and so on, as the Native American flute concludes, "…And according to legend, by resisting the temptation to flee Chief Crazy Cougar, the Bachelor…became a man."

Bradterview: …Okay then!

Many moons later, Bev is now on to the subject of Brad and Sheena's wedding. No, seriously. The Native American flute has tagged out, but as Brad humors Bev, "Pachelbel's Canon" begins to play instead, which is hilarious, but while I've got you all here: brides? Please don't use that piece anymore. For real. Am I the only person who remembers it from the opening credits of Ordinary People, which is not exactly an association you want on the joyous occasion of your functional marriage? You know, because of the…at the end? Never mind, never mind, just please, for me, consider the "Trumpet Voluntary" instead. Just as traditional, way more peppy, not as overused. Okay, so: Sheena must somehow hear the music too, because she comes in to do some damage control. Bev: "Again with the 'embarrassment' -- cut to the chase! Let's get the ring! Move it forward!" Sheena shoots Brad a "yeah, she's…kind of challenging oh God I'm sorry" eye-pop as Bev goes on and on about planning the wedding, and then in a Bevterview, Bev is like, "All these steps and roses are a waste of time, I see the chemistry, I see them together, the tea leaves have foretold it!"

Sheena and Brad get into the hot tub. Sheena's like, I hope that didn't put you off too much. Brad non-answers that it shows him where Sheena is from and what she's about, which I guess is true -- Sheena does have a daffiness to her -- but dude, just tell her her mom's bonky but you don't hold it against her. They chat; Sheena has her legs in his lap, and they seem comfortable together, but not all that hot for each other. Sheena's 'etterview has other ideas, though, saying the visit made things fall into place, and she didn't want him to leave. The editors give us a subtly snarky shot of the full moon before we go to commercial.

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