Bachelor
Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride

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Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride

At the house, the next date box arrives. Stephy reads out the names for the group date, and it becomes clear that it's Jade and DeAnna going on the two-on-one. As the other girls parse their date clue, Jade and DeAnna talk shit about each other in 'etterviews, including this gem from Jade: "I'm really worried. I can't say it enough, she's just a terrible person." Even if that's true? She's…cuter than you. She looks like Vanessa Marcil. You look like a fist with hair. This is because you have an unpleasant personality. "I really really hope that Brad can see through that." Hey, me too! Good luck with that! Hag!

Rooftop. Awkward discussion of the rose's presence. Brad gets up and retrieves the rose and repeats that he's looked forward to spending time with Jenni, and she got the first rose he ever gave out, and she says she's kept all the roses he's given her and attached them to the chandelier "with a l'il hair clip" (hee), blah blah, he offers the rose and she accepts, and then he goes, "Come here to me, please," and they start kissing, and who wrote that line for him, Barbara Taylor Bradford?

Coming up, the voice-over guy says, "it's time to see who's funny." Hillary dorking out. "Aaaaaandwho'snot." Kristy crying. Ha! Voice-Over Guy…will you accept this rose? I feel a genuine connection with you.

The next day, Brad and his double-decker bus come to retrieve the group daters. As Brad prattles on about having to give out a rose despite last night's rooftop make-out sesh, we get a shot of Jenni smiling at the others all, "As if."

Today's date, per Brad, is about seeing who can "laugh, and just have fun," so he's taking them to an improv show…but the show is them. Kristy admits that when Brad revealed this, she "wanted to cry." Girl, get in line. And bring Kleenex, because if you think this shit is painful to do, try watching it twice. The improv teachers come in to get them started, and then: myriad horrors. Cat faces. Chicken dances. Uncomfortable prop comedy featuring, among other things, Hillary trying too hard with a dick joke, and Bettina using a party hat as a megaphone to tell Brad she loves him, then Manson-lamping in an 'etterview, "I got embarrassed, because…I meant it!" Just out of frame, a PA is loading two Thorazine tablets into one of those pill-shooter doodads you can buy at the pet store and waiting for Bettina to yawn. Bettina continues in VO that that sort of thing isn't her, but she cares about Brad, so she's doing it anyway.

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Bachelor

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