And now Ashley S. is saying that if he needs a friend, she's there for him, which is a refreshing change from how the women usually tell the Bachelor that if he needs to talk to someone he's on his own.

And then the manscaper has brought some hot wax that she spreads on his arm and yanks his hair off, and if she doesn't go home tonight then I categorically refuse to weecap any more episodes until she's gone. He asks what the most unusual things she's waxed are, like HOW MANY OPTIONS DOES HE THINK THERE ARE, and then she says the words "booty" and "undercarriage," and at this point you wish the Bachelor could give out "Worst Impression" roses during the first cocktail party and send people home immediately. In an interview, he talks about how badly he doesn't want his package waxed.

And now Jackie is talking about how sexy Brad is, and she sits down with him and tells him that she loves to sing, and she is too drunk to sing a real song, so she makes up some awful song about Brad and she rhymes "say" with "away" which is some kind of genius.

And now the women talk about how "real" everything is getting. This is a conversation that will happen at least twice an episode in every episode for the rest of the season.

And then Alli and her massive breasts actually sticks her arse in Brad's face, much to the other women's horror, as she tells him that she was broken up with by a guy who wanted a smaller ass.

And then Alli interrupts another woman's conversation with Brad (in Alli's defence, the other idiot was pointing out, as proof of her sense of humour, the fact that she wasn't wearing shoes). And then the shoeless comedian, who is Renée, tries to steal him back, but Renée and Alli are both interrupted by another woman, while Renée makes sad faces, at least until Brad gives her five more seconds before she's interrupted again, at which point she says she's better than all the other women here, only she calls the other women a word that needs to be bleeped out.

Emily is scared to death that she's not getting a rose. She should sit tight until the portion of the show where the rose hinges on planning an event for a children's hospital; she'll do just fine. She sits down with Brad and talks about how she has a great job and a home and a family, but she doesn't have someone regularly putting a penis inside her. She doesn't say it all exactly like that. Brad calls her a "quintessential Southern belle" who is there for the right reasons.