Bachelor
Cult Of (No) Personality

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Grim, Scary Tales

Chris finally interrupts them all to drag Aaron away for a witless interview. At least he's wearing a suit this time. But first, commercials.

We return to the deliberation room. Chris doesn't even really bother with an interview, thank god. He's going to go talk to the women while Aaron listens to their video messages and stare at the serial-killer shrine of women. When he comes back, Aaron will have to make his decision.

Videos. Hayley says she enjoyed going fishing with Aaron, even though they didn't catch anything. Heather says she wants to wear her "naughty red dress" for him. Angela tells him that he has a "zest for life." Gwen thanks him for the fairy-tale date. She invokes Cinderella and Prince Charming and gets $40 from Disney. Brooke loved the date and wants to bring him home to meet her family. Helene says she had a great time and hopes to get to know Aaron better in the future. Wow, that was all very illuminating. I'm sure Aaron's choices are much easier now. Aaron wanders over to the serial-killer shrine and voices-over a speech that contains both the phrase "getting real" and the phrase "taking this to the next level" and I absolutely refuse to recap that shit. I'll allow one phrase. But not both.

Out in the living room, Chris heads out with the roses and explains that the four women selected tonight will take Aaron home to meet their parents. Oh, and if they don't want Aaron, they can decline the rose.

It's the most dramatic rose ceremony yet! Again! For the third time! After these commercials!

When we return, Chris escorts Aaron out to blah blah blah this is his hardest decision yet blah blah blah. First rose goes to Helene. Helene accepts. The captioning reads, "Suspenseful music plays." Second rose goes to Gwen. Gwen and her forehead accept the rose. She really should not pull her bangs to the side like that. They make her forehead seem even larger. Third rose goes to Angela. She accepts. The final rose goes to Brooke. Hayley looks disappointed, but not surprised. Brooke accepts. So Hayley and Heather are history.

In Hayley's final interview, she tells us that she wasn't comfortable being around Aaron while there were other women interested in him. She says, "I don't like to compete for a guy's attention." Well, I don't either, which is why I don't appear on shows that make dating a competition. Maybe Hayley should consider a similar strategy. Aaron tells us that Hayley started to open up, but that he still didn't have the information he needed to decide to go meet her family. Hayley starts to cry as she explains that she "showed herself" to everybody but Aaron. She says she's not surprised that Aaron didn't give her a rose because he didn't really get to know her. If she's looking back on this now, I wonder if she realizes that she's probably better off. She concludes that she didn't know what to expect and "wouldn't wish this on [her] worst enemy." Me neither. I'd save Fear Factor for my worst enemy.

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Bachelor

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