Bachelor
Cult Of (No) Personality

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Grim, Scary Tales

Commercials. We return to the Malibu Dream House. Gwen tells us all that "for some reason," she keeps looking for the date box. Just a little voice in her head told her to look -- a voice named "production assistant." Eventually she finds a box, swaddled in cloth. She brings it inside. Wow! Another coincidence! This box is for Gwen. The card reads, "Fairy tales can come true. Please join me for an enchanted evening. Aaron." There are glass slippers. They're not really glass, of course. I'm sure Aaron would prefer that his potential wife not end up cutting her own feet off in the course of a date. Gwen and her forehead explain that she was hoping for a one-on-one date because she thought from the very beginning that she and Aaron were compatible. Yeah, you're both as dull as dishwater.

Some folks from Nicole Miller ("Your store for desperate attention-grabbing measures") arrive with a special fairy-tale dress for Gwen. Frankly, I think the dress is hideous. It's pale-blue in color, with a bodice-type top and too much fabric on the bottom. It looks far more like a prom dress than something an adult would ever wear on a date. Or anywhere at all. Gwen gets her hair and makeup done. The stylist wisely obscures Gwen's forehead with her bangs. They even give her a tiara, which probably isn't a good idea if they're trying to disguise the size of her giant head. In an interview, Gwen blathers that she thought when she was a young girl that she'd meet some guy and fall madly in love. But then reality set in, as reality is wont to do. As she checks herself out in a mirror (look out for the evil queen!), she tells us, "You think, 'you know, fairy tales don't really come true,' but, you know, maybe they do in their own little way." Yes, when twenty television executives, producers, assistants, and corporate sponsors come together and make it happen. It's so magical! Helene jokes that the other women all felt like "evil stepsisters" watching Gwen prepare for the ball. I'm sure these women get twenty bucks for every Disney cartoon reference. The women joke to Gwen that they're going to make her do chores when she returns.

Tinkly music plays as Gwen tries to sweep romantically down the stairs. Except that the dress has so much fabric that she has to hold a lot of it up in front of her, making it look like she's taking a load of sheets down to the washing machine. Heather -- making it all about herself, of course -- tells us that she wonders what Aaron would have though if he had seen her in that dress. Probably, "Well, with all that fabric, I don't have to worry about her rubbing herself all over me." Brooke tells us that all the girls were a little jealous of Gwen for getting the "Cinderella" date. Twenty bucks for Brooke!

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