Bachelor
Death Becomes Them

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Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
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¡Hola Again!

Estella, will you accept this rose? Eesh. You better just hope that she's not carrying the recessive "Tootsie" gene on the Punnett Square. Little "t," for those Mendelites scoring at home.

Kelly Jo, will you accept this rose? Hooka chaka hooka hooka hooka chaka hooka hooka!

Shut up, Chris. We've calculated Punnett Squares tonight. We can count to freakin' one.

And now, a small admission: I wrote my entire recaplet for this epoisode during the commercial break preceding the Rose Ceremony, and initially it went like this: "Bob gives each and every family reason to believe it's their daughter he's going to pick, but it's Mary and Mary alone who we finally get to see go loco when Bob tells the adorably short Cuban that her days are done." And while it's not exactly "Dewey Defeats Truman," it's a testament to the actual surprise that existed in this episode for one. Nice job. Not shocking. But pleasantly surprising.

"Meredith, sorry. Take a moment and say goodbye." Chris is truly a master of compassion. Bob and Meredith walk outside together, Bob asking, "Are you okay?" And whether she doesn't want to give him the satisfaction or whether she really doesn't care, her noncommittal "Yah" and resolute unwillingness to cry are an absolute inspiration. It's also a reminder that we have a nice little streak going of girls who don't cry in the face of their release from the shackles of this horrible place. Bob thanks Meredith "for everything," and she responds that she wants to be with someone who wants to be with her. "If it doesn't work out, I'm here," she finishes. Oooh, she was so close. Anyway, she's gone, telling us in the limo, "I know for a fact that what Bob was looking for is not in the house. He actually put her in the limo and let her drive away." Inside, the final toast ensues, everyone quietly saying a thank-you prayer that all that messy grieving and human emotion and perspective of what's important are gone and we can finally get back to the histrionics and self-obsession. And remember, folks. Be good to your Nanas. They've been good to you.

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Bachelor

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