I just...I don't know. I know it's too late to just start bemoaning it now, but wouldn't this show just be an overall success more frequently if we actually, y'know, liked the Bachelor? Because, I mean, we don't, right? And didn't we like Bob Guiney once, before he became the Bachelor? And didn't we like Meredith a lot more before she was the Bachelorette? Is it something about the inherent narcissism they develop while living in the wonky sociological biosphere of twenty-five people fighting over them that makes them start emitting a pheromone that makes them seem evil? Or -- OR -- are we just a minority of hyper-sensitive obsessives who can't believe that the rest of the viewing public isn't recognizing the fact that this formula isn't working anymore. Unless we're the only people who notice. Which means it totally IS still working and we're the ones on the wrong side of history. Oh, I refuse to believe it. I mean, look how red and splotchy Jesse's face is! He's the worst!
In through the front door of a big-ass, two-story house walks Jesse, which immediately finds him yelling upon his arrival, "Who are you guys?" Well, I...nah, too easy. He tells us he's happy to have some time with his family before Jessica arrives, including his mother (whose name is "Mom"), his father (whose name is "Dad"), and his two young brothers, Billy and Christian. The middle one has a jaw that kills bunnies dead. Jesse kicks things off by asking his family how they feel about this Bachelor Comes Home scenario he's dragged them into, and Jesse's mom assures him, "After having an opportunity to watch The Bachelorette, to be honest with you, we really did see Meredith and Ian fall in love. And so it made us realize you might fall in love, too. Like, really fall in love." Ah, yes. The age-old trope of fake life imitating fake life. What a fantastic method of informing our own behavior. Man, those tapes Next had messengered over last night really helped advance this show's argument for...itself. Jesse's mother -- the pearl-wearing, pearl-clutching, pantsuit-wearer of the family -- tells us in a confessional, "Maw faw faw faw, maw-haw." It's hard to hear her with her jaw wired shut. Back in the living room, Jesse repeats to his parents that he is "confused" about his decision, and that he wants them to ask Jessica questions, but quickly adds, "You don't have to drill her." Yeah, that was for Jesse to do in the Bahamas! Oooooh! Zing! He then jokes hilariously, "The torture chamber downstairs doesn't need to be used." A shot of Jesse's youngest brother laughing is here spliced in to imply subtly that Jesse is respected by the Palmer youth. This show is writing checks the editing can't afford to cash.