And now, real men. Jesse sits on a couch somewhere with The Stache, who is thinking that in another year or so he's going to need to add The Stache to the combover, which is going to be tricky, but he's totally the man for the job, y'all. The Stache asks Jesse, "What do you feel compelled to do at the end of this effort?" What does he "feel compelled to do at the end of this effort"? For heaven's sake! Speak like people, people! Jesse swallows hard and responds that he doesn't know, and The Stache reminds Jesse that a good relationship is still good a year from now. "Be true to yourself," The Stache fortune-cookies. Jesse knows that his father is worried that Jesse will propose, because, according to Jesse, "that's what the Bachelor does." I love when it hits this point in the season and since they're the ones in love they feel like they've risen above the show itself. What that is? Is a load of crap. But there's no time to think about it, because it's the end of the talk and Jesse kisses his father full on the mouth. He does. It's paused. I'm looking right at it. It's disgusting. Made barely less so by the fact that, from this angle, it kind of looks like Jesse has boobies, so you can maybe understand why The Stache might have gotten confused.
Jesse walks Jessica outside at the end of dinner. Jessica launches in that she really is falling in love with Jesse and sees a future, but it all just seems so perfunctory. He thanks her for "putting up with" his crazy family. Don't you love how everyone thinks his or her family is the craaaaaaaaaaziest? Back in the living room, Susan shares that she thinks Jessica is "ideal." The Stache, however, finds her "devoid of experience" and "too young to take this seriously." Jesse wraps up for us that his parents had different opinions on Jessica because, otherwise, we'd have chaos.
It's been a long time since The Gap used a song in one of its commercials that made me feel, well, just mad about saffron. But I have something to say to you all at this time, and it is this: "Summer breeze makes me feel fiiiiiiiine. Goin' through the jasmine in my mi-i-i-ind." Oh, childhood memories. You weren't really all bad, after all.
Jesse and Tara met at the Indianapolis Zoo? I don't even remember that from when I first watched this. They sip red whine out of plastic cups in the middle of the animals looking like they're about to have The Picnic Of The Crazy, and Tara launches right in with the most pragmatic love talk ever: "What are your reservations about me?" Romance. Not dead. But, lucky for fans of repetitive rhetoric, Jesse has an answer at the ready: "My biggest reservation is, y'know, you being able to express yourself to me verbally." Tara really is confused, asking Jesse how many different ways she has to say it, and she makes a facial expression that says, "Really, I think this is fake and you suck." Because it really doesn't make any sense. "At this point, I'm not sold on everybody," he continues. Everybody? What is he talking about. What's going on? Let's bring out Nick and Jenny. Tara is thrilled to see Jenny, but...well, it's about not to go well. They embark on a walk right away, Tara telling Jenny, "I really want to marry him...There is not one bad thing about him." Jenny leaps on that, telling Tara, "Well, that's not true." Good point. Unless it's just the introduction to the opposite sketch. Back at the table, Jesse tries again with Nick: "Who do you see with me?" Nick starts to get all riled up again, and Jesse continues to some ambiguous purpose, "You've known them for fifteen minutes," stopping before his follow-up thought, "And I for sixteen." How would Nick feel, Jesse asks, if he found out Tara has been engaged before? Jesse shouldn't care. He doesn't. Nick likes both of them, but tells us in a confessional that Jesse is concerned that -- wait for it -- Tara hasn't expressed herself to him: "I think it'll be Jessica." But wait. Isn't she too young? I don't understand this show if the conflicts can't be reduced to one sentence each.