Heather Is A Loser

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Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
Heather Is A Loser

Byron lies on his bed like a teenaged girl and writes in his journal. All he needs is a fuzzy pink pen and a marabou-trimmed robe, and he's Elle Woods. Byron voice-overs that he's convinced that the woman he's going to be with forever is in the house. Probably because he's already chosen her. I know it wouldn't be good for ratings, but I wish The Bachelor could just say, "Call off the hunt because I know who I'm going to choose, and let's not put the rest of these ladies through the charade of dating me." Byron interviews that the individual dates help him to "eliminate or grow closer to each of the ladies that [he feels] something for." Byron places his date choice into the poolside box. Although I appreciate that they are trying to shake things up this season, the "no group dates" thing is somewhat weird. Part of the fun of watching group dates is seeing the woman try to compete and cockblock each other.

Anyway, the women rush out to see who will be going on a date, and it's Andrea. Oh, Lord. Don't encourage her. Andrea grins ear to ear as she interviews that she has "very strong emotions" for Byron. Jayne interviews that she's concerned that Byron chose Andrea for his date, because she and Andrea are extremely different, so it's hard to know what Byron is looking for. So he has to date a bunch of clones? I don't get it. It's not like Byron chose the pool of women in the first place, so he has to deal with the hand the producers dealt him, and it's too early in the process for him to get rid of all the loonies.

Jayne sneaks over to Byron's pad and knocks on the door. He lets her in and they lie on the bed, talking. Jayne explains that she's confused about what Byron wants. Byron asks if she's frustrated. Jayne says that she's not into competing. Byron moves closer to her. Jayne complains that Byron is "handsy with certain people," and that it's hard for her to hear about it. Jayne interviews that she's having a hard time not getting jealous about Byron's interactions with the other girls. Byron says that it's difficult for him too, but that he can't imagine Jayne's not being there. Jayne begs for some validation. Man, she's thirty-seven and she's still this insecure? That's no way to go through life. Then again, I guess people who feel great about themselves don't go on reality dating shows. Byron says that he is attracted to Jayne, and that she shouldn't worry. Byron kisses her on the forehead and they snuggle on the bed and make out a little bit. Byron interviews that he and Jayne have "a special bond" (but not a connection?). They kiss some more. I think that unless Jayne bugs out (and I don't just mean her eyes, which are already bugging out), this is her game to lose.

Byron interviews that he wants to go out with Andrea to find out what makes her tick. I can answer that: the crazy voices in her head. Byron explains that they are going to an airport. Wooo! Airport! Thrilling. Byron walks into the main house and hugs Andrea before they walk out. Andrea interviews that she can tell that she and Byron have "a deep connection" and that he could be her husband. I seriously can't imagine feeling that way about a man I had known for less than a week, and to whom, in that time, I had only talked once or twice. How does that happen? What is wrong with these people?

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