We get a clip show as Aaron as a kid, looking very blond and wholesome. He was born and raised in Missouri, and that's where he's going to stay. Well, that puts me out of the competition, then. Missouri sucks, except for Kansas City. And I lived there for six years, so I know, so don't go sending me angry emails. Chris narrates that despite his accent and midwestern upbringing, Aaron is a true "renaissance man." Europe suffers a minor earthquake as every contributor to its massive cultural and artistic legacy spins in his or her individual grave. Chris reminds us that Aaron's a businessman, athlete, musician, pilot, and restaurateur. In other words, he's unfocused. Aaron's parents agree to be interviewed to tell us how great he is some more. Ew. Why can't his parents be embarrassed about this like normal people? Dad tells us that Aaron gets the most out of life because he "squeezes every moment" blah blah blah bullshit. Mom brags that Aaron sets goals and meets them. Wow, what a catch. She's really proud of having instilled this quality in her son. I'm setting a goal of rolling my eyes at least twenty times during this episode. Let's see if I meet it. I'm already up to four.
Oh, this is my favorite part. Chris narrates that Aaron was always "a jock" (we see photos of him in soccer gear from high school), but he didn't want to be known as just a jock, so he also became a "classical pianist" and a "scholar." At what point did he transform from "someone who knows how to play the piano" to "classical pianist"? I think I'm going to go around calling myself a "Pulitzer Prize-winning writer." And I think it's telling that we never don't actually hear him play the piano; there's always narration over clips of it. As for proof that Aaron's a "scholar," they explain that he got a bachelor's in engineering from University of Missouri and his MBA from Clemson while he was living in Italy. Bwah ha ha! Clemson. I shouldn't make fun; my alma mater is no better. But there's a reason I don't go around letting people call me a "scholar." Clemson. Heh. And if I wanted to learn about successful business practices, I'd certainly turn to Italy, wouldn't you? More blather about him coming back home to get handed a job as a veep by his daddy and how he's been working on his career and hasn't had time to have relationships. But he has time to film a television show for weeks. Tool. He just wants somebody else to do all the work of finding all the desperate girls for him. Tool. Chris narrates further that Aaron recently underwent "life-saving surgery" for a ruptured spleen and now he's all carpe diem. Aaron's mother insists that he had "one foot in the grave" and it caused him to reprioritize his life. I feel sort of bad for not entirely believing that Aaron's life was in danger, but it's the show's own fault for exaggerating everything. It's the show who cried, "Love!" Aaron says that he has a big heart and a lot of love to give.