Bachelor
Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

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Music Hath Charms to Rouse the Savage Breasts

More schmoozing. Suzanne compliments Christi on her Miss Idaho crown, but then cattily observes that perhaps there aren't many women in Idaho. Brunette Erin observes that some of the women don't seem interested in socializing with each other because they have "a certain agenda they're working on. To socialize with us would interfere with that." What the hell is with the coded speak? They're trying to catch themselves an Aaron. It's not like this is some show with secret alliances and stuff. Everybody wants Aaron. It's that simple. Everybody's agenda is the same. Their techniques may vary, but still. Brunette Erin points out that Liangy "isolated herself" from the other women on more than one occasion. Ooh! Drama. Yawn. One of the blondes pathetically asks Aaron whether he has any idea whom he's going to pick yet. He gives a non-answer. More schmoozing. Aaron sits at a table full of blondes. Gwen asks him what he does for fun. Boating. Flying. Aaron's been skydiving. Gwen would love to try it. Suzi -- who seems to replacing Chris as the show's narrator -- explains that Aaron was "all over" Gwen, and that when the other blondes at the table talked to him, he didn't pay so much attention. Liangy agrees, which is rather observant of somebody who has allegedly isolated herself. After Aaron leaves, Gwen worries that she talked too much, but the other women at the table all reassure her that Aaron just loved her.

Now it's time for Aaron's concert for the ladies. We actually get to hear him play the piano this time. He's blah. He doesn't have very good command of the tempo. When the music gets complicated, he slows down. When the music gets simple, he speeds up. It's intermediate-level-recital good. He plays some classical music that is commonly used by your local news broadcasts on the commercials where they explain how much they care about you. He stares at the pages of music with such concentration that it looks like he's trying to do calculus and play at the same time. All the women love it. A dozen women explain in interviews how much they're smitten because Aaron can play the piano. Though a couple of them -- Fatima, particularly -- look terribly bored while he's playing. After he's done, all the women cheer.

Chris wanders in to bring down the room. He drags Aaron away so that they can have an interview before Aaron decides which of them aren't "adventurous" enough for him to consider marriage material. Chris shows Aaron some little shrine featuring pictures of all twenty-five women. It looks like something a serial killer would put together. This is the "Deliberation Room." Chris and Aaron sit on a couch to talk about the evening. How are things going? Some of the women Aaron sort of dismissed at the start have come back into the running. Some of the women that Aaron was drawn to from the start, he's suddenly less interested in. And this is all just in one night. He liked Camille at first, but they didn't really click when he talked to her. Camille's the actress. He probably asked her if she had ever made out with any girls. Did anybody really "knock [his] socks off"? He points to Christi, former Miss Idaho. Also Gwen. Chris asks about Brooke. His enthusiasm suggests that he wants to take a crack at her if Aaron isn't interested. Aaron says he does like her, but he's saying this at Chris's prodding, so I'm not sure whether he's sincere. Aaron concludes that he has decided on fourteen to move on to the next round, but that he's having a tough time choosing between Merrilee and Liangy for that last spot. Merrilee comes from a happy family; Liangy is a "great girl." But Liangy also has an attitude and must be punished for not adequately basking in Aaron's perfect aura. He doesn't say that. I'm just guessing.

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Bachelor

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