Bachelor
Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

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Music Hath Charms to Rouse the Savage Breasts

The fourteenth rose goes to...Dramatic Tension, who has stopped by to try to inject some life into the proceedings. Rather then offering a rose, Aaron says he has to step outside for a moment to think some more. Oh, such a tease. I don't believe him for an instant. We can hear the mics as Aaron and Chris step outside the room. Aaron tells Chris that he's trying to decide between Kyla and Merrilee. After a few seconds, he heads back in and offers the fourteenth flower to Kyla, the well-endowed Mormon virgin. I wonder if he knows her attitude about sex yet or if he's even noticed the part of her that is above the neck? The final rose for the evening goes to the other Heather, who was the other beauty-pageant contestant. So he didn't pick either Merrilee or Liangy. Liangy is just going to have to go back to the Oxygen Network or whatever place where they let women live their own lives, because they're not having any of that stuff here. Heather accepts. Close-ups of all the women who weren't picked. They stand there, stone-faced.

Chris tells the ten unworthy women to say their goodbyes and get the hell out. In an interview, Aaron says that it was tough not to pick Liangy, but he didn't think they'd be able to "enter into a long-term relationship" together. What with her having her own mind and all. Liangy (who, unlike most women on reality shows, looks younger than her age), says she's not sure why Aaron didn't pick her, but says she guesses the appropriate spark wasn't there. Aaron blathers about the decision coming "down to the wire" and how it was all just so hard for him. Boo hoo hoo. He explains that he felt a much stronger "physical attraction" to Kyla. Ah, the power of big boobies. Camille takes a page from rejected women on dating reality shows everywhere and suddenly decides that she didn't want to be picked anyway and thinks that she actually rejected him. Sure, honey. See you on Dismissed.

But enough of those losers; let's talk to the women who made it. Christi thinks she made a major connection with Aaron and says she wouldn't be surprised if she made it to the end. Brunette Heather was barely able to contain her excitement when Aaron called her name. She wanted to jump up and down and yell, just like when she wins her beauty pageants. This woman scares me a lot. Aaron blathers on some more about how difficult this decision was. That's the fourth time this episode. The episode ends with the fifteen remaining women and Aaron toasting over the fact that he liked them better than those other wannabes.

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Bachelor

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