So the bachelor is holding this press conference to talk about an economic stimulus package, only it looks like he's gotten a whole lot of sun since the last episode, because he's majorly tanned, NO WAIT, that's Barack Obama. I was wondering why he didn't say anything about looking for a connection.

Anyway, we're back in Seattle at the houseboat that Jason and Ty are staying in, and we watch Jason packing because he's leaving poor Ty alone again, but it's worth it because he's going to four different hometowns to meet the families of the women he's auditioning to be his wife. He asks Ty how many shirts he should pack, and Ty glumly says, "twenty-one," which I hopes isn't one shirt for each day Daddy's away.

Jason says his relationship with Jill started off as a lot of fun, and she's got a sense of humour and is passionate about her career and is smart (her appearance on this show notwithstanding, I suppose). "There's some type of energy with Jill that isn't with anybody else," he says, as we watch them be all wacky with each other. Jumping on a bed. Playing chicken in the pool. Rolling hobos for spare change. He says life with Jillian would always be exciting, on the edge of his seat. Yeah, you have to be careful about getting onto that restaurant design carousel. Can you handle that, Jason? Despite having five minutes of "previously on The Bachelor" scenes, we now have to endure a Jillian montage of seemingly all the times he ever talked to her. "I'm not worried that she's too strong, but I'm looking for someone that's going to rely on me," says Jason.

And now we revisit Molly, who gave him butterflies when he first saw her, because she has the "most beautiful eyes" he's ever seen, only I think he meant "eye makeup." "When she wants something, she goes after it. And that's really flattering," he says. Also, on their first date, she jumped at the chance to spend the night with him, and "that's really cool." Well, who wouldn't think that was cool? "Molly's the type of girl I can see myself spending the rest of my life with," he says, but isn't that true of each of the four -- rather different, personality-wise -- remaining women? The only problem with Molly is that he "can't get deep enough" with Molly. Cough.

Naomi? "Naomi's amazing. She is gorgeous and beautiful and fun." She loves to travel. She has a passion for life, for giving back. For sulking? You don't mention the sulking? She has a passion for that, too. "I think Naomi's best quality is that her eyes are wide open to life," he says. He's just concerned that she might not be ready for his life of child-rearing and watching television. "I don't want to be the one to clip Naomi's wings."

He says he prejudged Melissa when she first got out of the limousine, that she was only there for a good time. Really? First we're hearing about this. Since Jason gave her the first solo date, doesn't that mean he only picked her for that because she's cute? Remember when Melissa cried after the General Hospital date? I'd almost forgotten too, but this damn show revisits it. Jason wonders if everything is "too perfect" with Melissa, and he's really looking forward to meeting her family, like he's not recording this after having already been snubbed by them, which we know is coming thanks to all the promos they show of it.

Ty helps his dad take his bags out to the car. Jason says the hometown date is a lot harder for him on this side of it, because he has to make a decision not just for himself but for Ty as well. Ty doesn't know anything! He thinks you should take twenty-one shirts!

So first up is Kelowna, B.C., where Jason is going to meet Jillian's family. He's still got some questions for her, like if she's into him as much as he's into her. Two things: A) Didn't they have that interminable conversation last week, and B) He's constantly expressing reservations about her, so I don't think it would be very hard to be as into him as he's into her.

So they leap into each other's arms, and Jillian explains to him that she grew up in Northern Alberta, but her grandparents moved out here when she was four or five, and then when she moved out of the house, her parents moved down here too. True story! Kelowna's gorgeous. I happen to be going there in a couple of months. Lake Okanagan. British Columbia in the fall, man. Surpassed only by Nova Scotia. Jillian tells him about Ogopogo, which is like the Loch Ness monster for Canadians. And Jillian claims to have stepped on him when she went tubing as a child.

Jason says he never thought he'd meet someone like Jillian, who loves everything about her life and wants to share it with someone. He's never met someone like that? What kind of dour people does Jason hang around with?

They head into the Mission Hill winery, and Jason thinks it's like a fairy-tale, only instead of marrying the handsome prince, four women compete to marry boring old Jason. "The winery is beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as Jill," Jason says in an interview, like we're all supposed to melt at how sweet he is.

So they have some wine in front of the fireplace, and Jillian says she has something to tell him about her family that might "answer some questions" about her, and I might genuinely be curious to find out that her parents were axe-murderers or some such, if this show weren't intent on blowing every single surprise.

So she talks about how during the '80s her family was on top of the world and traveling. She actually says, "They worked hard and they played hard," so I guess during the '80s her family lived in a light-beer commercial. Then her mom was diagnosed with depression, which lasted for fifteen years, and her parents separated, and got back together, and her mom tried to take her own life and ... you know, all the intensely private and personal family history that I wouldn't want my daughter airing on a show watched by millions of people. Jillian says she was really tough on her dad, because he wanted to leave, but he didn't want to leave her, and her mom was in the hospital for months on end. And then in the last couple of years her mom got better and she doesn't know why, but she's very lucky, and then she breaks down crying, and Jason says she doesn't have to apologize. She says she just wants him to know when he meets them how incredible they are and how lucky she is to have them. "I think they're lucky to have you too," he says, adding that he's got someone "like that" in his family too, so he understands. Then they start making out.

Jason says he understands now why she's the rock that she is. "If anything, it makes me care about her more."

Jillian says she is a "jumping jellybean" with excitement over Jason meeting her family. They arrive at Jillian's home with her family waiting with homemade signs and the Canadian flag, which Jillian's dad drapes over Jason. Jillian says she's never introduced to her parents someone whom she said she wanted to marry. You know, on the day decades in the future when my daughter introduces me to the man she says she wants to marry, I sure as fuck hope he isn't DATING THREE OTHER WOMEN WHO ALL WANT TO MARRY HIM TOO.

Mom Peggy, father Glen, cousin Tori and boyfriend Charles. She also hopes he gets a chance to meet her grandma.

And then for god's sake Jillian starts going on about Jason's hot dog preferences, and he's a mustard guy, which proves her theory for some damn reason because that's why he's here now. Meanwhile she's pouring wine with her foxy cousin, which looks like a fine idea to me. Then Charles claps his hands and announces dinner's ready.

Jillian's cousin then blathers on at Jason, wondering what it's like to be on the other side of the whole Bachelorette/Bachelor thing, because Jason hasn't already prattled on ENOUGH about the difference, so why not show him doing it one more time?

Then Jillian's mom reads a poem that -- well, I'm not going to slam a bachelorette's mom, not even when she gets teary-eyed reading an awkwardly rhyming, inconsiste

1 2 3 4 5Next