In a horribly ill-fated attempt to brand herself, bachelorette DeShaun takes the opportunity of Jesse's entering the house to once again yell her signature, "Sha la la la la la la!" You've got to hear it. Twice! Maybe it's some kind of nervous tic. Or maybe she really is trying to market herself with a kick-ass catchphrase so everyone will talk about her! Maybe I suggest something a little more commercial, DeShaun? Let's go with: "Don't have a rose, man!"

The pointless milling portion of our show has entered its infinity-stretching first phase, and we kick from scenes of light, early banter to a confessional in which Julie believes, "Holy hottie!" Mandy Jaye speaks for the consensus when she tells us that she finds Jesse to be "the sexiest Bachelor yet," an automatic consolation prize roughly akin to "the most adorable cockroach yet found in my sink" or "the least rock-comprised head on Mount Rushmore." Jenny S. stands defensively near Jesse the way I would make Wing or Pamie do when they were trying to blend in. ["Except I don't know how well we'd blend in with a group of men, including (obviously) Marky Mark." -- Wing Chun]