Bachelor
Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Djb: C | 534 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Skinny Amy

Hey look, everybody! It's Antoinette! And she looks like Blossom! Over in a confessional, she wears a wide-brimmed black hat like some freakish amalgam of every role Streisand has ever, ever played (yes, including Yentl) and, realizing she can't have her kidney pie and eat it, too, muses, "When Chris came in and said we were gonna vote on who was most and least compatible, the mood just kinda dropped."

That's Meredith going first, right? Who is that? How is it germane to the previous four-second confessional that Antoinette is a thirty-one-year-old Senior Account Manager from Philly, and yet the first brave participant of the long-form Kompatibility Kompetition is only maybe Meredith? Well, if she votes for Meredith as most or least compatible, we'll know it's not her. Or that it is her and she's duuuuuuuuuuuuuuumb.

MaybeMeredith strolls ducklike down the hallway and into the ironically termed Room With The Camera In It while Misty, twenty-four, Radio Promotions Assistant confessionalizes, "This voting procedure has forced us to realize we're all chasing after the same guy." Because, according to Misty, the notarized contact, pedantic voice-over, peeing in a cup, and title of the show all seem to have left the girls' mission statement still somewhat vague. Meanwhile, MaybeMeredith holds up her first tribal council card, telling us that Brooke "deserves more time with him" and that "Leeann," as she writes it, "is a little immature." Jenny, thirty, marketing, Austin, tells us that, strategically, "if the girls are smart, they are trying to get Lee-Ann from getting a date with Bob." At this rate, though, it seems like Lee-Ann with a hyphen and Leeann without one might end up splitting the vote anyway. Fear for nothing, Jenny, thirty, marketing, Austin.

Lee-Ann tells us that she can't imagine choosing anyone but herself, but she chooses Mary, citing two of the following four reasons for why she chose her: she's spiritual, she's fun, she has a chin so pointy and Leno-esque it could give a Bachelor razor burn, and she has no chance of winning. Whatever reasons she cited, that was kind of crafty of her. For the least compatible, Lee-Ann goes with Brooke, who she describes as one of "starting to be a little snappy" or "Krazy-Eyes Chandler, the third and craziest sibling of Stewart and Adam Chandler, locked safely away in the East Wing of Chandler Manor...FOR NOW."

Bachelor

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