Bachelor
It's My Bachelor Party And I'll Cry Because I'm Crazy And/Or Sad About The Sudden Death Of My Grandmother

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Skinny Amy

Mary, meanwhile, kicks it over in The Room With The Camera In It, telling us that Antoinette is "witty" (don't tell her not to fly she's simply got to, Antoinette's hat earlier seemed to agree), while Lee-Ann is "not ready for marriage." Maybe when she's twice her age she will be. Maybe when she's twice her age she'll be Mary.

Meredith tells us, "I was a little surprised that everybody got emotional over this. It's kind of like, 'Why are you crying?'" And apparently I just might have mentioned in the recaplet that Meredith became sad here as well, a false observation for which I stand corrected. I would offer a more formal mea culpa, but I am none of (a) used to being wrong, (b) from Latinia, or (c) Ann Landers. So forget it.

Jenny thinks that Estella is best for Bob because she is "fun." Cut to a shot of Estella crying. Jenny thinks that Antoinette is the worst for Bob because he needs someone who "smiles a little bit more." Cut to a shot of Antoinette crying. I think Jenny is the most visually ironic for Bob, as well as most likely to misjudge her context clues for Bob.

Antoinette sits down in The Room With The Camera In It and literally starts bawling. She crosses her legs, clasps her hands together, and shakes with racking sobs that are so severe and prolonged I start looking around The Room With The Camera In It for a miniature coffin, a wreath of flowers, and Antoinette in a t-shirt featuring the words "I'm with dead baby" and an arrow pointing down. I'm just saying, this is something of an outsized show of woe considering what's really at stake here. Meredith is good. Lee-Ann is bad. Antoinette simply cannot pull herself together here. Who knew that one of the main excretions of the fully functional working kidney was "the ability to prevent yourself from looking like a tripped-out jackass on national television"? Dear Merck Manual: Please update. Love, the folks at Next Entertainment.

What about Kelly Jo? And someone else? And the girl with the brown hair? Who did they pick? Meh, forget it. Chris is back, and he's got a pursed non-smile on that says, "I am at present laughing hysterically at you on the inside." It's the first human thing he's done all season, and I quite temporarily love him for it. Anyway, he's "tallied the results," and they'll find out what's what as the Date Boxes arrive. But wait! There's one more surprise in store: "One of the individual dates will go to the woman you guys voted best for Bob. But the other individual date will be given to the woman you guys voted least compatible. She's now gonna have the chance to prove you guys wrong." Not bad, I must say, as twists go. When Fleiss taps a long-dormant kidney to excrete his next Machiavellian trick, there's no telling what could be in store.

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Bachelor

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