Bachelor

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I Lost My Lunch in San Francisco

And then Ali and Vienna are managing not to rip each other's heads off, and then Jake comes by to talk to Corrie, who tells Jake that she wasn't expecting to have that conversation with him last night. "Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm not in touch with my sensual side," she tells us, and you know what? Feel free to keep a few more secrets, Corrie. "It's not about sex appeal. It's about heart appeal," Jake tells us, and I hope it's clear right now that Jake hasn't been dumped because he's "too perfect" like he's told us, but because he's a complete cornball ALL THE TIME.

And then Gia is talking to Jake and telling him that it showed character for him to tell Vienna to take a hike when she tried to snag some semi-nekkid bed time with him, and then Jake is doing that thing where he manages to make the bachelorette seem like she's the ONLY bachelorette, and Gia completely falls for it. Again.

Vienna and Tenley are talking about Jake saying he's falling for all of them, and Tenley says it made her want to cry. At this point, what doesn't make Tenley cry? At least Ali says she just thinks he actually means Ali, and maybe one or two others. She thinks that he's deciding between Corrie and Gia on who has to go home.

And then Jake takes Vienna away to show her the view from his hotel room, and she says it's the first time she's been outside in the city, like how pathetic is Vienna that unless she's going to be out with Jake she can't be bothered to explore San Francisco, and she confesses that she was pouting earlier, but she's all better now. Hey, you know what's lame? A 23-year-old woman pouting. And now SHE thinks she's the only one for Jake, and Ali's just a "bump in the road," and even though Jake clearly likes her, he'll have to make his own mistakes.

And then there's Chris Harrison, who we haven't seen nearly enough of this week, if only to have someone NORMAL on the television screen, coming in to get Jake so we can finally get around to eliminating someone this week instead of these bullshit no-rose dates. Only since there are only five women left there's still a little time to fill, so we're forced to listen to Jake recap what happened, and we see some "highlights" from the past two hours, only the clips are super gauzy, and I just wish this show would chop a half-hour or an hour once it gets down to the last few women since so much of it winds up being preview or recap. And it wraps up with Harrison asking what the worst thing is about eliminating one woman tonight. Is it that he doesn't get to eliminate all five? Jake says it's knowing that he's going to make one woman feel how he felt when Jillian let him go: "That memory is just burned into my mind." Wow, a Jillian reference! I do give credit to Jake for this: he has not constantly referred to having his "heart broken" like certain other bachelors and bachelorettes I could name. Jake does tell us he knows who he has to let go. "This rose ceremony is going to hurt," he says.

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Bachelor

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