Bachelor

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Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
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I Lost My Lunch in San Francisco

And now it's time for everyone's favorite part of the show (except for the credits): the rose ceremony! Hey, remember when Jake eliminated an extra woman last week? Good times. Jake comes out and blathers on about how tough this is: "My heart is just breaking right now." Each time a bachelor or bachelorette says that, a puppy dies.

Tenley gets the first rose. Ali gets the next one, then Gia. Yay! So it's down to Vienna and Corrie. Jake stares at the floor while Harrison comes out to inform us all that it's the final rose. He takes a deep breath -- because this is SO HARD -- and says "Vienna."

Corrie hugs the other women, and then Jake walks her out. "I can't really ignore the fact that there was something missing. It just didn't feel right," he says, and then of course it's HER fault because she took so long to open up, and he was worried she'd never open up fully. Well, duh: she's saving that for her wedding night, Jake.

In the Break-Up Limo, she doesn't get it, and wonders about putting a wall up, and then she says she doesn't do well dating a guy who's dating other women at the same time. She's not the first woman who APPLIED TO GO ON THE BACHELOR to make such a monumentally dumb statement, and she's in all likelihood not going to be the last.

Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair. Follow him on Twitter or email him at danieljdaniel[at]gmail.com.

Watch highlights from the episodes now, if you just can't get enough of Jake and his dumb women.

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