Bachelor
Jason Brings His Son to New Zealand

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Daniel: D | Grade It Now!
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Melissa, Will You Be My Fiancée for a Little While?

She gets in the limousine, and Jason makes his sad face. She wipes tears from her eyes (real tears, not "see how sensitive I am" Jason tears). And then there's the annoying shot of him looking anguished on the balcony (the one that this show tried to make us think was a result of DeAnna's visit), and now he is fake-crying. That's it, Jason. Put on a good show. I mean, aren't you now in love with someone else? Fortunately, the cameras were well-placed off the balcony to capture you and your phony-baloney reaction.

In the limousine, Molly says she's shocked. She thought she was going to pick up her life and move to Seattle and be a stepmom. "Apparently Jason was not in love with me." No, he was! You should see all his interviews! She repeats that she thinks he's making a mistake and is going to get hurt.

"It hurts so bad," says Jason. God, shut UP, Jason. Molly got dumped, she's not proposing to someone else, and she's handling it better than this embarrassing display of yours.

The final, final, final rose! "It hurts so bad to let Molly go," says Jason, who says that part of him wants to be there for her as a friend. Wow, would that be a bad idea.

But on to Melissa: "Putting that ring on her finger is going to be amazing," he says. He tells us that she was "probably" one of the prettiest girls he'd ever met. Aw, "probably." Not just "possibly," you guys!

Melissa arrives. She tells us she was "definitely having a mix of emotions," because he's either going to take her heart or break her heart. "If Jason doesn't pick me, it'll be devastating."

She joins him at Proposal Point. He tells her that on their very first date, he started falling for her. Yeah, and falling for a whole bunch of other women too! (He wisely doesn't bring that up.) From the way he's talking, you can tell she knows where this is heading (like Molly did). He tells her that he's in love with her, and she hops up and down and hugs him, and then he gets down on one knee and says he loves her and asks her to marry him. There's a weird, obviously shot at a different point clip of him opening the ring box. She asks him for a second so she can turn around and scream, and then she crouches down. Maybe the ring should go next to the telltale pinky ring, hey? And then after she accepts the ring, he offers her the final rose, because that's not an anti-climax at all. "I love you, I love you with all my heart," he says, and they spin around in an embrace.

The happy couple hugs for the camera and Molly says she's the happiest girl in the world, and he claims to be the happiest man in the universe. Dude, just give me until after the second After the Final Rose special and I will TOP you. And then Ty joins them back at the house, and everybody hugs and they jump in the pool fully clothed. Everyone's so happy! Spoiler alert: It won't last!

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