We're forced to sit through the awfulness that was The Bachelorette, with DeAnna Pappas spurning Jason Mesnick, right up to the point of letting him do the whole get-down-on-one-knee thing so she could melodramatically pull him up and tell him that she's in love with someone else. And then on the awful talk-show portion where she pretends that it was because she got "caught up in the moment" and he tells her he's happy for her, and then a bunch of women with no lives in the audience stand up and applaud.

And here it is now, however many months later, and Jason tells us that it was the right decision because they didn't have "that connection," and I have burned all the tapes that I recorded last season's episode on, but I'm fairly certain Jason and DeAnna both said a million times that they had a connection, and I can't believe that I'm doing this show again. I mean, I made a New Year's resolution to not do anything that makes the world a worse place, and I think drawing any kind of attention to this show is seriously bad karma. And now Jason is ready to be in love again, because it's the best feeling in the world (provided you don't fall in love with a conniving devil-beast like DeAnna).

So in case you don't already watch this show (which means you don't a) hate life; b) get paid to watch it; c) enjoy watching terrible television; or d) have a tragically fucked-up opinion of romance), meet Jason! He lives in Seattle, he loves his life, apparently because he lives in a place where people throw fish at each other. That's as good a reason as any. Also, Jason has an adorable three-year-old boy, so ladies prepare yourself for The Bachelor: 2036.

Jason spends a hundred years talking about how amazing things are with him and Ty, which is kind of an odd way to put it. Oh, and no offence, Ty, but there's a huge hole in our family. So you don't mind if I air our family's marital troubles on national television? As long as I stare out at the ocean all pensive and sad? And how about if I go shirtless for my workout for the television cameras? And how about if I try to find love among twenty-five more head cases instead of just being content to be a good-looking guy with a good job? Doesn't that work? I'm not as good-looking as Jason and I'm happily married. How hard can it be?

So Jason jets off to L.A., which he thinks is the perfect place to find someone, for some reason, and he's thrilled because he's in the driver's seat (figuratively, and, on this sun-dappled freeway, literally). And Ty's along for the ride, because he can't stand to be without him. Since he didn't have Ty along last time, I'm guessing the real reason is Ty makes Jason seem like not such an android.