Bachelor
Leaving Normal

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The Witless Bride

And now for some decent editing, finally. While all this is going on, Aaron and Suzanne are making out in the hallway. There's tongue and everything. There might be teeth as well, what with all the clacking sounds I'm hearing. I bet it's Aaron's fault with those huge chompers he's got. Suzanne tells the camera that she's beginning to feel something for Aaron, and worries what the next step will be in all of this. They make out some more by the wine casks. Aaron is a really awkward kisser. He runs his hands all over the woman but doesn't really hold her close or anything. They're like two bad actors pretending to make out. And perhaps they are.

Then Aaron and Suzanne rejoin the other women to see that Christi is just moments away from compulsively pulling out her own hair and eating it. Christi insists that Anindita was saying things about her that aren't true. Aaron, despite his discomfort at Christi's behavior earlier, seems to be taking her side and tells the camera that Anindita was "cruel and demeaning." Ugh. Of course, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Which of these women has been clinging to Aaron and insisting that she's in love already? And who just so happens to be a blonde beauty queen as well. Right. Anindita is unperturbed about the whole fight and says that she must be a bitch, then. The other women and Aaron reassure her that she isn't a bitch. Even though he pretty much just told us that she was. Oh, well he didn't use the exact word "bitch," so I guess he didn't really mean that.

Christi begs Aaron to go outside alone with her. This stirs Aaron's "John Wayne calming down the emotional wimmin-folk" gene, and he agrees. He gets her outside and asks her, "What's going through that little head of yours?" I wasn't kidding about the John Wayne, you know. Blech. Christi doesn't explain anything other than to put on her sunglasses and insist that she doesn't want to be "that girl." Which one? The crazy, clingy, defensive, clueless, delusional one that everybody laughs at behind her back? Too late. She pulls Aaron in for a hug. He tells her everything's going to be all right. He's going to take care of those bandits who killed her dad. Or whatever. She clings to Aaron for life and whispers in all seriousness, "I think you're incredible," in his ear. She's Daffy Duck loony. The early Daffy Duck, when he used to bounce around making "Hoo hoo!" noises at everything. Aaron says, "Well, thanks," and leans in to kiss her. He explains to the camera that he essentially kissed her to shut her up. That's what you've got to do to keep the wimmin-folk calm. And if that doesn't work, you've just got slap some sense into them or put them over your knee. In an interview, Christi insists some more that she loves Aaron and that she can't catch her breath when he's holding her and she's scared. I'm scared, too. I'm just glad she doesn't love me.

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