Bachelor
London Calling

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London Calling

Michelle P. puts together a clarinet and plays him a tune. Shayne laments that to meet Matt, a woman apparently has to have more going for than just looks. Yeah, this is supposed to be about love, not about personality or skills or outside interests!

Can we cut some women yet? I can't keep anyone straight. It appears safe to assume Stacey is everyone's least favourite bachelorette. Erin S. says there always has to be "one token nutbag" in the group. Forgive me, but isn't Matt the one token nutbag? Other adjectives used: Belligerent. Tasteless. Tacky. Classless. Judging from the montage, unless Stacey is the victim of the worst reality-show edit in history, those are all completely accurate. She is getting plastered out of her head. Half of everything she says needs to be bleeped out. Marshana says she hates to say anything negative, and then calls Stacey a bitch. To Stacey's face, Erin H. calls her a whore.

Matt sits down for a HILARIOUS chat with Erin H. and Stacey, who talks trash while they wait for the bloke to arrive. Erin talks about what she does, while Stacey feels him up. When he eventually turns his attention to her, she tells him, "I have my bachelor's in nutrition, and nothing and no one will ever stop me. I want to find a pharmaceutical that will cure something that no one has ever thought of," she says. I'm sure it sounded deeper in her head. When Erin asks Matt about London, Stacey rudely says, "You guys are really boring, I'm not going to lie." And what do you know about London, Matt asks her. "I love the ocean," she says. Great, says Matt, but London's not near the ocean. Try again? "The new upbringing cars," says Stacey. Matt looks at her blankly: "'Upbringing cars'?" "That are more efficient with gas?" she tries. After Erin S. steals him away, Stacey wanders over to him and stuffs her underwear into his trousers. Matt's rather unimpressed. Laughing, in an interview, he says, "I don't give a (bleep) what country you're from, but that is not cool." Erin relates the whole thing to everyone else, who amusingly mock Stacey's babblings about nutrition. Advice proffered: losing a few pounds, as well as the implants. Fortunately, Stacey wanders off to pass out on a couple of mattresses hastily shoved into a bathroom. Amy says, "Eyes are closed. Mouth is shut. Legs are shut. It's good." I think I may love Amy.

Matt's still deliberating about the first impression rose, and he needs more time. Guy, is "first impression" an American expression, and that's why you don't seem to understand what it means? He sits down to talk to Shayne, whose family is all actors. Like...oh, wow. Her dad is Lorenzo Lamas. So she's using "actor" in the loosest possible sense. If she's just as talented as he is, then...that explains why she's on this show. She doesn't think it's all that big a deal. I hate to be the one to break it to her, but no one else thinks it's a big deal either. Noelle has this inane conversation with him about being the baby in the family, and she says in an interview that he really puts you at ease, which does seem to be true. I like her. He also chats with Robin. In French, even. I like her too.

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