Love Means Never Having To Say You're Crazy

Episode Report Card
Shack: C+ | Grade It Now!
Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Shots of the fireplace. Shots of pictures on the creepy serial-killer shrine. The women look worried. Aaron looks concerned. Chris comes out with the roses and explains everything we've already heard seventeen times. He assures us all some more that this is a tough decision for Aaron. He reminds the women that they don't have to accept Aaron's roses. How did I not notice before that the bottom half of Gwen's dress is about fifty yards of fugly pink fabric? I must have gone into denial. Chris blathers some more and heads back to the Deliberation Room to drag Aaron out.

Commercials. There are, like, seven commercial breaks in this one-hour show. It's a show about finding "true love," but they can't even fill up forty minutes of content about it.

When we return, Aaron heads out to the pillar with the roses. He blah blah blahs about how hard a decision this is. He says the same thing every week. They should just play a recording. It's less awkward. Time for the roses. The first goes to Angela. She accepts. Helene smiles because she already knows she's getting a rose. The second goes to Gwen. She accepts. The third rose goes to Brooke. She stares at him for about twenty seconds before accepting. Christi has a brittle, brittle smile on her face. The fourth rose goes to Helene. She jokes, "Maybe," but says she's kidding. She accepts. The fifth rose goes to Brunette Heather. She accepts. The last rose goes to...Christi! Just kidding. It goes to Hayley. She's had, like, three whole lines in this whole show. They're usually pretty funny and self-deprecating, but I still haven't a clue what she's like. She seems genuinely surprised and accepts. So Crazy Clueless Christi is out, along with Shannon and Kyla -- who both freaked out about the phone-number thing -- and Blonde Heather. Chris encourages the rejected women to say their goodbyes.

In her final crazy, crazy interview -- well, besides all the ones she did on various media shows the following day to try to convince us all that she's fun and not all crazy -- Christi says, "At this point, I feel like something went wrong with the universe. I don't feel like I was supposed to go right now. I feel like I was supposed to have another opportunity to show Aaron that I'm not an emotional basket case." Maybe you should try to say that when you're not crying. Also, I suddenly have images of Christi refusing to leave until "the universe" tells her that it really is her time to go. She blathers that perhaps it "wasn't meant to be." Oh, I guess that clue she ordered finally arrived. She should have paid extra for the next-day delivery. Aaron says that Christi's a great woman and very attractive, but they're just not compatible.

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