Bachelor
Marching Orders

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Jenny Jenny, Who Can I Turn To?

Back at Jesse's, Head Of Meat wants to know what Tara needs from him. "Trust," she responds, leaving out the obvious next word when talking to a football player who has no assets besides the financial ones: "fund." Jesse wants trust, too. Match made in heaven, people. "Skepticism, to be honest, bothers me," says Jesse. Translation: love me blindly, idiotically, without knowledge or forethought. If you're thinking, you're stinking. Tara thinks, do you think he could be talking about me? "I've been skeptical in this whole process. Is that bad?" Tara notes that she's "opening up," and then she opens her mouth right up. Before she pulls away and tells him that she's having a hard time with it, because of her "surroundings," and so on. She needs to get to know him better. "I just don't want to feel like I'm making a huge leap of faith the further I go down the road," he says. Because other than her, he can be 100% sure of everyone. Because, well, look at how things worked out for Andrew and...that girl who looks kind of like Tara.

"This Rose Ceremony is like the Super Bowl of all Rose Ceremonies," Suzie tells us. "It's the final four." I...ah, never mind. Too easy. Trish, too, is nervous. And worried. And scared. And "the black sheep of the group." But she also realizes that Jesse is "in charge," adding, "Jenny isn't here tonight." Or anywhere on any night, I hope. How over would your friendship be with Jesse if you were her, after doing this show? Hateful. HATEFUL.

"I feel so lucky to be standing here in front of the six of you," Jesse tells us without a visit to the Room Of Reckoning once more:

Tara, will you accept this rose? Meh. I'm skeptical. Off with her head.

Jessica B., will you accept this rose? She tells him that he can just call her "Jessica" from now on. But he can't. Because he's too dumb.

Trish, will you accept this rose? Wow. Third? How anti-climactic. I hope Jenny just threw a remote control at Jesse's head. Even if they're not in the same house watching it. It's a noggin impossible to miss from any distance.

Mandy Jaye, will you accept this rose? Burn on Suzie! Though I'll bet they'd been running neck in prosthetic neck.

Suzie marches up to Jesse and tells him how amazing it was to meet him. She tells us in a confessional that she feels "sick" and like her heart was yanked out. The far more entertaining Karen marches up Jesse and warns him like some oracle in a Greek tragedy, "You have three phenomenal women here, and one who's not here for the right reasons," which Jesse infers to mean "something about Trish." He tells us that it hit him "right in the face," a metaphor he literalizes in the field of play every day. Meanwhile, the subterfuge continues, with Jenny telling Trish that she doesn't deserve to be here. Trish thinks saying that is "completely not acceptable." Like sleeping with a married man and killing all of his children.

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Bachelor

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