Bachelor
Matt Becomes The Victim Of A Prank

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Renegade!

Afterwards, Lorenzo and Shayne chat. "He really, I feel, likes you, and I want you to be happy more than anything else," says Lorenzo. They hug, and Lorenzo says he loves her, and she's a big girl or whatever, and they try to pretend that cameras aren't recording this ostensibly touching father-daughter moment.

Over to meet Shayne's mom Michelle and her little sister Dakota. "I just want him to have the best hometown date," says Shayne. When she arrives, she screams, "Is somebody cooking some food?" and then gets tackled by two blonde women on opposite ends of the Original Body Parts Unaltered spectrum, in a house that appears to have required an entire safari's worth of leopards to upholster. Matt says Shayne bought this house for her mother. Not from money she got from Daddy or anything, right? "I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," says Matt, although my initial reaction was to scream. Speaking of upholstery, I presume Shayne's mom is coming in for a lot of money from the plastic surgeon she should be suing. Looking at the daughters she's produced, you have to think Shayne's mom is very beautiful, but she's lost the fight against aging, despite all the surgical weapons she's brought to bear in the battle. "My family is loving, but we also are a little bit crazy," says Shayne.

At dinner, Matt cuts the roast, while Shayne's mama can't pull herself up to the table all the way because of her giant fake breasts. She babbles incoherently and seems to be averse to finishing sentences. "I'm a firecracker, but my mom's twenty times intense firecracker," says Shayne, by way of "explanation."

While Shayne's mom steals Matt away to show him old videotapes of Shayne dancing, Shayne chats with Dakota, who looks just like her and talks just like her, gurgling on about faith and whatnot. Shayne's mom asks how Matt's going to feel when Shayne finishes a movie and they go to the premiere and Matt has to watch Shayne kissing another man on the big screen. Feel free to say anything, Matt, since I think that will forever remain a hypothetical problem, don't you? Matt says he had a brilliant time, and admits he had Shayne completely wrong, and that he might be falling for her. So he didn't think she was genuine up until now, but she's in the top four? They kiss goodbye, and burble that they'll miss each other.

Off to snow-covered Durango, Colorado, to meet Chelsea's parents. Matt says Chelsea's been going kind of hot and cold, and he wants to find out what her intentions are. Matt strolls up to Chelsea, waiting on a park bench, and they embrace. Chelsea admits to being nervous about introducing the man she "could potentially fall in love with" to her parents. She tells Matt that she gets emotional seeing her parents because they live so far away and she squeals.

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Bachelor

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