Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | 2 USERS: A+
Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date

Chris greets the ladies with the news that there will be one group date, a special one-on-one date, and a two-on-one date. On that date, one woman will get a rose; the other will get the boot.

Marshana says the date is for Kelly, Chelsea, Shayne, Ashlee, Noelle, and Robin. "I'm looking for the perfect match." It's a tennis date, complete with high tea. "What's a high tea?" asks Shayne. You smoke up beforehand, Shayne.

The limo pulls into a private estate for the tennis match. Surprisingly, Matt thinks it's going to be "brilliant." The women are all in short shorts and tennis shirts, but Ashlee is just wearing -- what, a sports bra? Shayne is bundled up like it's the middle of December. Matt talks about how he can normally control his gawking, but he found Chelsea to be especially bonerific. Shayne and Chelsea put on a little gymnastics show, with Shayne particularly agile. Robyn snits that a gymnastics show is scream for attention. Her bitchface indicates she wishes she'd thought of it.

Matt sits down with some one-on-one with Ashlee, who sounds like her vocal chords have been severed from her brain. She giggles and sings a song. Matt says the word "brilliant" at some point, which must have been a mistake, because this is Ashlee we're talking about. Meanwhile, the other girls make snotty comments about Ashlee, saying how it's like they're hanging out with a baby. I mean, it's saying something when Shayne thinks you're an idiot. During a talking head, Ashlee "sings" a "song" and there was a major typo in her little identification thing, because it says she's a "singer/songwriter," when clearly anyone could eat some Alpha-Getti, barf it up, and come up with a better song than what she's warbling.

Now Matt takes them to the high tea (their reaction is "brilliant,") by a swan-filled pond. Robin shifts into babbling conversation-monopolizer mode. So we're going to get some talking-head bitching about Robin. Chelsea says Robin's the most competitive: "She doesn't care about the other girls." And she should because...why?

Matt and Robin go for a walk where Matt compliments her Britishness (Robin spent some time in London, remember). She says she thinks she might be falling for him pretty hard. "I didn't think I'd hear you say that," says Matt. In a talking-head, she says she feels like one of the luckiest girls in America. I'll put that on the list of Things These Women Say That Make Me Feel Really Sorry For Them.

Back at the tea, the other girls are imitating Robin and her British-isms. And after they return, Shayne bitches her out for monopolizing Matt. "I'm not here to play fair," says Robin, and Shayne says if that's the case, the other girls are going to gossip about her. Well, first of all, BIG DEAL, and second of all, it seems like that's what happens WITH ALL THE WOMEN ANYWAY, but whatever, Shayne. Still, Robin takes it hard, saying she's never really had any close girlfriends and wants to LEARN from these idiots (well, she doesn't call them "idiots") and stars to cry. "I feel completely alone," she says in a talking-head.

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