Finally, Mama Buerge pipes up: "You're twenty-seven years old. Why have you not found Mr. Right by now?" Because it's not 1952 anymore, Mrs. Schlafly. She doesn't have a "sell by" date stamped on her forehead, does she? Shut up, Mama Buerge. ["Holy God, she actually said those words to Helene's face? That alone is reason enough for Helene not to marry Aaron. Gross." -- Wing Chun] Mama Buerge explains that she had three kids by the time she was Helene's age. Yes, well, the world is full of people who aren't you, Kathy. Shut up. Helene diplomatically (though not very articulately, of course) explains that she's been focusing on her career. And stuff. Or whatever. You know. She reveals that she was engaged once while she was in college, but that it didn't work out. So they made a big deal out of Brooke's previous engagement, but this is the first time this is being mentioned on the show? Alden blathers on about marriage being a commitment, saying that he hopes Helene feels the same way. Helene insists that when she gets married, it'll be for good: "Whoever I marry is stuck with me." Kathy asks Helene how she'd feel about relocating. Because god knows her little boy is never leaving. Ever! Helene says she's okay with that, as long as there are jobs available in the school district. Justin jokes that there aren't any schools in Springfield. I think he's joking, anyway. Aaron tells us that he was quiet during the dinner to gauge how his family reacted to Helene. He says he thinks they asked her tough questions. Liar. He says that she handled their questions well, and that he's "very proud of her." "Proud"? She's a full-grown woman, not a fifth-grader who came in second place in the VFW's essay contest on "Why I love America."
Tricia asks Helene how she thinks the experience has affected her. Tricia's rocking now, too. Helene says she had a good time. And stuff. She met a great guy. You know. She says that, in the future, if Aaron doesn't pick her, she's going to end up comparing future boyfriends to him. Everybody there thinks that's a compliment, while I suspect most single men are relieved. It's really not hard to measure up to Aaron. Tricia tells Helene that Alden and Kathy love their family very much. Everybody goes, "Awww." Alden says that Tricia "set the bar pretty high for the next daughter-in-law in the family." Ewwww. He makes it sound like anybody marrying into the family has some sort of obligation to prove herself to them in order to be accepted. Repulsive. Aaron tells us that Tricia is a "cohesive" part of this family, and that he needs to know where she stands. Whatever. I think they're just holding up cue cards for Aaron to read during these interviews so that they can have some sort of narrative, no matter how redundant or unnecessary. Aaron drags Justin and Tricia into the kitchen to get their opinions. They think Helene's fine. Tricia says that if Aaron and Helene are having a good time, that's all the matters. Tricia makes a point of saying that Aaron doesn't want a woman who is totally "dependent" on him. I think Tricia's been getting bribes from Foreshadowing. Outside, Helene jokes that they're trashing her inside. Alden asks Helene if she's got any questions about Aaron. But then Aaron comes back out, and Helene jokes about trying to get "dirt" on Aaron, and no actual questions are ever asked.