Bachelor
May The Best Ass Win

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Dad mentions that Brooke has a tattoo, although he's only seen a part of it. It's a tattoo of dolphins going in a circle on her lower back. Alden was totally checking out Brooke's ass, too. Does she regret getting the tattoo? She says she doesn't. Grandma wonders if Aaron's seen it. He has. Of course he has. It's just above her ass. Brooke tells us that the questioning didn't bother her. Alden tells us that he felt comfortable with Brooke, and that she didn't have a hidden agenda and is a great person.

Back at the table, Alden asks Aaron what he likes about Brooke. Her ass. I'm totally not kidding. Aaron just outright says that he was initially physically attracted to her, and goes on this lengthy justification about how you have to have that before you talk to a girl. He wasn't asking how you met, he's asking what you like about her. And you would have talked to her anyway, because you were forced to as part of the show, so quit trying to justify your superficiality. Brooke's also sincere and direct, and she has a great family. And man, would you look at her ass? It's smokin'! Brooke tells us that she thinks she handled the questions well, and that it was a good evening.

Back at the table, Aaron sends Brooke inside so that he and his family can talk about her. I just find that terribly rude. It's one thing to take people aside to ask what they think, but it's another to have some family meeting about somebody sitting in the next room, to discuss whether she's marriage material. Oh, why am I even bothering? This isn't a show about dignity. He tells the family that he wants "candid feedback." Mom non-answers that they're both nice women. She says that Brooke's age isn't an issue. Well, not for you, Mrs. Baby Factory. She points out that Aaron has had a relationship with a younger person before (that mysterious previous engagement), and adds that the age gap becomes less noticeable as you get older. She wants Aaron to pick one who makes him happy. Alden thinks they're both great. Everybody thinks they're both great. Marry them both! Nobody says anything that suggests that they have an opinion one way or the other. I had no idea that equivocation had become a family value. Grandma suggests that they have a long engagement to make up for their brief time of getting to know each other. Alden assures us that both ladies are wonderful. Both ladies are great. They're fantastic. Perfect. They've spent five minutes telling us this.

Brooke says her goodbyes and thanks everybody. She tells us that now that she's met Aaron's family, she'll feel really hurt if Aaron doesn't pick her. Aaron tells us that his parents trust him to make the right decision, but now he's frustrated because he still doesn't know which woman to pick. See 'N Say Aaron tells us that it's all so difficult.

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Bachelor

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