Bachelor
May The Best Ass Win

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Back at the hotel, Brooke and Helene continue to prepare. Somebody paints Helene's fingernails for her.

Back at Harry Winston, the clerk shows Aaron some fancy ring that comes with baguettes on the side. Or something. I told you I don't care. She tells him that fancy shapes are the most popular. So what if they cost even more. You want to be popular, don't you? You don't want to disappoint this woman you want to marry with an unpopular cut, do you? Why don't you just spit on her while you're at it?

While Aaron's staring at some ring that appears to have three diamonds in it, we get a split screen of Brooke doing her hair. She tells her that this is an important day because this is the day Aaron makes the decision. She talks and talks and talks. She could hardly sleep last night. Oh man, she's going to self-recap all her experiences on the show. I'm not cooperating. That's it. They had their clip show last week. This show repeats everything three times already. I'm not re-re-re-re-recapping this. She says she can imagine living with Aaron in Springfield. She concludes, "Every day would be better than the last, and I would love him until the day I die." She puts on a pretty wine-colored cocktail dress and heads out to the limo.

Then we go through the same thing with Helene, except with more braying laughter and "you know"s and "whatever"s and stuff. Aaron is everything Helene is looking for in a guy. She says she's looking forward to finding out what Aaron really thinks about her, and vaguely worries about Brooke. I think she already knows. I think Aaron already told her, but that she's just pretending that she doesn't know for our benefit. She heads out to the limo in a pretty black dress.

Back at Harry Winston, Aaron whines that he wishes picking the love of his life were as easy as picking out diamonds. You poor thing. He decides on the ring with the big diamond centered between two smaller diamonds. He tells us all that he's excited about today and blah blah blah. Clearly, he's made his decision with the women as well. As we see more clips, Aaron narrates that there's a sad side to the day, too. He has to break up with the other woman, who has been nothing but nice to him. Back at Harry Winston, he leaves with the ring.

Commercials. If they could have gotten away with it, they would have shown George Clooney's ass in the commercials for Solaris. You can see that they wanted to.

When we return, Chris gets his paycheck for dragging Aaron into the deliberation room and getting him to repeat everything he's already said this episode. Will Aaron feel relief when it's over? Yes. It's a huge relief. He's made his decision. He's got the ring. Chris says the show was prepared to buy the ring for him, but that he insisted on buying it himself. Ooh, what a big deal. This means that he must want to commit to the girl and couldn't possibly mean that he's going to do something crass like auction the ring off on eBay for three times the sale value when this is all over or anything. Chris creepily insists that this is one of "a thousand" things that Aaron has done to "solidify what a catch [he is]." Eww. God. I'm not buying it. No matter how hard you try to sell him, I'm not buying. Chris explains that Helene and Brooke won't see each other at all today. They'll arrive at the house one at a time, not knowing if the other had been there yet. There, Aaron will tell each of them his decision. Chris duhs that it will be tough, because they're both expecting proposals. Chris blathers some more about nothing, then tells Aaron that he'll see him by the pool when he's ready, and heads out.

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