May The Best Ass Win

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Brooke and Aaron arrive at the airport to meet Alden. They hug. Alden says, "That's a pretty name for a pretty girl." That's not exactly the same thing he said to Helene, but pretty close. Are you sure you don't want to just skip all this? No? Fine. I hate you. You know that, don't you? Aaron points out that Daddy's plane is the same colors as the Crimson Tide.

The plane takes off. Alden points out to Brooke when they pass from Missouri to Oklahoma. Brooke's all excited because it's another new state she's never been to before. She had never been out of the Southeast until she went on this show. She tells us that Alden made her feel comfortable and relaxed and she got less nervous and blah blah blah. She gushes over how pretty everything is. Alden points out a golf course, then explains that their house is on the corner of the golf course. Of course it is.

On the limo ride to the lakeside tax shelter, Alden asks Brooke what her middle name is. It's Nicole. Aaron makes a big deal out of the fact that Brooke's initials are B.N.S. She has a vanity license plate on her car that is just BNS. He says when he saw that, he saw "BUNS." Could he be just a little more obsessed with asses? The guys at the bathhouse have more restraint. Brooke tells us that if you like somebody, you want his family to like you, too. Huh. Really. She worries that if Aaron's family doesn't like her, it'll be all over for her.

Aaron, Alden, and Brooke arrive at the house. Greetings all around, yet again. They congregate in the kitchen again. Kathy asks Brooke where she's from. She explains that she's from Albertville and is currently a senior at the University of Alabama. She should have graduated already, but she punked out to do this stupid show. She has to go back to take two classes next fall -- golf and volleyball. I can't tell you how much I raged against my college's stupid P.E. requirements. It's all just a stupid con to make sure the athletic department gets more money. I ended up taking karate and some class where you just worked out on the weight machines three times a week. Kathy asks Brooke what her major is. Her major is Marketing. But after she graduates, she wants to go to law school. I just have to raise an eyebrow. I don't know what most pre-law folks major in, but I suspect it's not Marketing. Has she picked out a law school? She says she hasn't yet, but that she's been looking at a couple in Springfield. A couple? Are there any? Let's ask Google and Yahoo, the world's online bullshit detectors. I can't seem to find any colleges there with law schools.

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