Bachelor
May The Best Ass Win

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Aaron tells us that they all "decided" to go for a cruise on the lake. Who the hell does he think he's kidding? This is exactly the same thing you did with Helene. You didn't decide anything. This has all been arranged. Every single second. However, unlike the cruise with Helene, on this trip, Brooke hangs out with Kathy in the back while Aaron and Alden talk about them up at the wheel. Brooke tells us that she hung out with Mom in order to get to know the family better. Up front, Aaron tells Dad he's sure that both women are sincere in their intentions. Dad says that it all boils down to which woman Aaron's "heartstrings" are pulling him toward. I don't think those are heartstrings pulling him around. Aaron explains to Dad how Helene's most recent video message said she was falling for him, while Brooke's been vocal for a couple of dates now. Dad asks whether Brooke started that way. Aaron shakes his head emphatically no, trying to drive the images of Christi and Brunette Heather out of his brain. He explains that he got rid of all those women who declared their love for him almost immediately. I can only imagine what Christi's thinking when she watches this: "But we were supposed to fall in love with him, weren't we? That's what the show was about! Did he just wink? That means he's kidding. He still loves me!" Alden manages to slip both the phrase "cut to the chase" and the phrase "the bottom line" in as he tells us about his conversation with Aaron about the two women. However, he provides no actual insight into anything. He tries to get Aaron to say which one he has the strongest feelings for, but he says that it always tends to be the one he's around. He's so damned simple. Just give him a pert ass and a smile and he's fine. See 'N Say Aaron tells us he hopes that after his parents spend time with Brooke, they'll be able to help him with his decision.

There's another stupid fake segue, where Brooke is forced by the show to tell us that she's thinking about Helene and the inevitable fact that she's going to be compared to her. And then we jump back to Los Angeles, where it's now Helene's turn to try on engagement rings. They even put this break in exactly the same place where they broke into Helene's date. Helene steps out of a limo and heads into Harry Winston. Helene meets with the same clerk who assisted Brooke; she's wearing exactly the same outfit. Hooray for editing. It makes me wonder if Brooke is actually sitting out there in the limo, and they brought both women out at the same time and made them take turns going into the jewelry store. Helene tries on rings and brays laughter and says "Wow!" a lot. She jokes about leaving the store with the ring. She tells us that she's taking the whole meaning of the ring seriously and just as with Brooke, it's all becoming more real or whatever. And stuff.

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Bachelor

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