Bachelor

Episode Report Card
Daniel: C | 1666 USERS: C+
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The Goodyear Pimp

The other girls chat. Megan, in an interview, says she's bonded with Stephanie, and she thinks they're both "magnificent" women. Megan currently looks like a cross between Joan Collins and the girl from Napoleon Dynamite with the side ponytail. While they're all chatting, Megan awkwardly asks her about her ex, and it sure seems like someone might have suggested to her that she ask Stephanie what her "deal" is. Stephanie relates the story of how she found out her husband was dead, which makes a few of the girls tear up a little bit.

This segues into some one-on-one time with Jason, where she wants to tell him she's got a heart full of love inside her. He asks her about Sophia, and he knows that it's her birthday tomorrow. Stephanie says she's very excited, because she got her a fairy princess costume or something, because she loves to dress up but she also loves to roughhouse. In an interview, she says it's important that Sophia has a father figure. Well, what better person than someone who applied to be on this show? "Thank you for just being who you are. I think you're a pretty awesome guy," Stephanie tells him, like he just saved her LIFE or something. He thanks her. In the interview, Stephanie says if god figures they should have a connection, then they will have one. Sincerely, I hope god has better things to do.

So Jason sits down with Lisa, who I literally did not recognize, because I don't remember seeing her on camera, and she says she's nervous, and Jason assures her that he's just a "regular guy," like thanks for letting her know you're not a GOD or anything, Jason, and she explains that her grandmother is sick with cancer, and found out it's terminal. "I think, ultimately, it makes more sense to be with my family," she says. Jason says he was bummed because he didn't get to know her better, but hey, what are you going to do? Damn, Grandma's cancer. Why you got to be such a drag? Jason brings Lisa to the group to break the news to them, and they hug and leave. Shannon says she knows everybody can say that they "feel badly" for Lisa, but she admits that it's one less person for her to worry about. Lauren says much of the same thing. We don't get to hear anyone say that they feel bad for Lisa. "I want to be the one that marries him, so as long as I get a rose, I don't really care," says Lauren. Kind of gets you right in the heart, doesn't it?

"This situation has gotten really real. I mean, he's kissed four other girls in the house," says Megan in an interview. She finally gets her alone time with Jason and rambles on about how awesome it is to be a parent, but how awesome it is to be not a parent. And she works really hard, but also likes to relax. She says she can "literally lay in bed for like two days straight." Social services, take note! And is her kid named "Sawyer"? Nice work, Lost.

Bachelor

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