Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | Grade It Now!

So, week three, and I still have not suffered the car accident that I pray for that would excuse me from my Bachelor-weecapping duties. Is one non-fatal, non-long-term-consequences car accident too much to ask for? Curse you, Jason Mesnick, you "handsome single dad," you.

Chris Harrison greets the women in the morning, which must be nice for them, because they clearly don't feel the need to get all dolled up for him. Chris tells them there will be one group date and two one-on-one dates this week, and then he outlines what the rules are on those dates, because he thinks the women are idiots who can't remember, much like the show's producers think the audience can't remember either. He leaves them with their first "date card," and then strolls out, saying he hopes to see them all at the rose ceremony later. Which he will anyway, barring any contestant from thinking up an excuse to get the rock out of there.

Anyway, the date is for Stephanie. "Finally! Finally, finally!" she says. Think she's excited? In an interview, Megan whines that she thought she'd get a date, and is worried about the next rose ceremony if she hasn't gotten any face time with him yet. She gripes that she didn't leave her son behind to spend time with the girls. Actually, that's exactly what you did. But here we go again with Megan's "I'm more special because I have a kid" routine again.

Stephanie talks about her daughter losing her father, and also that it's her daughter's birthday today, the day of the date. "I really miss her. However, what an opportunity for her mommy!" Also, she presumes her late husband is smiling down from heaven. I promise that if I die and my wife goes on The Bachelor, I will rise from the dead and get my revenge.

Jason says he and Stephanie relate because they have a common bond: she went through tragedy and is a single mom, and he's a single dad. He seems to be comparing DeAnna dumping his ass to Stephanie's husband being killed in a plane crash. This is what he does. He compares Stephanie's tough time (dead spouse) to what he's gone through (dumped a couple of times). I don't have any words for this.

So the date consists of Jason and Stephanie strolling on the beach, and he asks about Sophia, and then is all, "Hey, what's that over there?" And it's like with the blimp: he is the absolute worst at pretending to notice something. He sounds like he's struggling not to give it away by saying, "That's totally not your daughter running this way, right?"

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