Bachelor

Ep.	Title	Air/Pub'l	Grade	Author
14-11 Weecap	Good Golly, Miss Molly After the Final Rose Pt. 2 - I won't fall for the oldest trick in the book, so don't sit there and think you're off of the hook by saying there is no point changing 'cause that's just what you are.	2009.03.03 2009.03.04	D	Daniel
14-10 Weecap	Don't Let the Bastard Grind You Down After the Final Rose Pt. 1 - Maybe I've forgotten the name and the address of everyone I've ever kissed; there's nothing I regret.	2009.03.02 2009.03.03	A+	Daniel
14-9 Weecap	Melissa, Will You Be My Fiancée for a Little While? Jason Brings His Son to New Zealand - Jason and his final two head to New Zealand, and Jason agonizes over making his choice -- but not before DeAnna shows up to throw a monkey wrench into the works. Man, ABC managed to keep a lid on THAT twist, didn't they? Jason picks Melissa. For now, anyway.	2009.03.02 2009.03.03	D	Daniel
14-8 Weecap	With Friends Like You, Who Needs Friends? The Women Tell All - And now it's time for my favorite part of the season, the -- what's that say? "The Women Tell All"? Ugh, this is always death.	2009.02.23 2009.02.24	D	Daniel
14-7 Weecap	Catch Me Now I'm Falling, And Falling, And Falling New Zealand - Jason has overnight dates in New Zealand with each of the remaining girls. He and Jillian are on the edge, with Molly he actually falls, and he's in hot water with Melissa.	2009.02.16 2009.02.17	B	Jeff
14-6 Weecap	This is What It Sounds Like When Doves Cry Hometown Dates - Ah, the most excruciating part of the season: the time when the bachelor goes to the homes of four perfectly nice families and lies to them about his feelings for their daughters.	2009.02.09 2009.02.10	D	Daniel
14-5 Weecap	Sincerely Yours, Jason Jason Breaks The Rules - Jason's going to have to toughen up a little to be able to eliminate three more women before putting a ring on someone’s finger.	2009.02.02 2009.02.03	D	Daniel
14-4 Weecap	And You Can Tell Everybody This Is Your Song (But You Probably Won’t) Bachelorettes Compose Songs - It’s the most romantic date ever, and the most shocking rose ceremony ever! Jason doesn’t give out the final rose! Well, technically, I suppose what would have been the penultimate rose became the final rose, but... anyway. It’s the most amazing whatever ever!	2009.01.26 2009.01.27	D	Daniel
14-3 Weecap	Chunderstruck Private Performance by Kate Voegele - The sniping continues, with Natalie employing a scorched-earth policy after her ouster, leading to bickering between Lauren and Megan, causing poor, sensitive Shannon to toss her cookies.	2009.01.19 2009.01.20	D	Daniel
14-2 Weecap	The Goodyear Pimp One Woman Makes A Premature Exit - Jillian and Melissa get group dates, earning roses, while Molly stands out in the group date by yanking Jason aside to stick her tongue down his throat.	2009.01.12 2009.01.14	C	Daniel
14-1 Weecap	To Live and Snore In L.A. Jason Mesnick Begins His Search - Jason Mesnick, having already seen first-hand what a great way this show is to find love, comes back on to get his revenge on twenty-five women.	2009.01.05 2009.01.12	D	Daniel
12-9 Weecap	Monkey, Will You Marry Me? "Matt Faces an Excruciating Decision" - Or at least be engaged for a little while until I get sick of your baby voice?	2008.05.12 2008.05.13	D	Daniel
12-8 Weecap	Sweet as Sugar? Or Swedish Hooker? "The Women Tell All" - When you subtract clips from previous episodes and clips from the upcoming season finale, all that's left on this is about five minutes, most of which we saw in previews last week.	2008.05.05 2008.05.06	D	Daniel
12-7 Weecap	Boom Boom Boom Let's Go Back to Matt's Room A Trip to Barbados - Amanda learns that "I'm falling for you/I'm dumping you" cannot both be true. But that's after Chris pimps out her and the other Bachelorettes in Barbados.	2008.04.28 2008.04.29	A+	Daniel
12-6 Weecap	Renegade! Matt Becomes The Victim Of A Prank - Matt meets the family of the four women he's still leading on, I mean, "still has a connection with." Careful when you meet Lorenzo, Matt. He was framed for murder, and now patrols the badlands.	2008.04.21 2008.04.22	C-	Daniel
12-5 Weecap	The Women Arrive in Sun Valley, Idaho The Women Arrive in Sun Valley, Idaho - Matt takes the girls on a ski trip, there's lots of falling, and falling in lust, and two girls get left out in the cold.	2008.04.14 2008.04.15	B	Angel Cohn
12-4 Weecap	Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date Matt Takes Six Women on a Group Date - Matt plays tennis with six of the bachelorettes. With sexy results! He has dinner with Marshana and Kelly. With sexy results! He and Amanda go swing dancing. With sexy results!	2008.04.08	B-	Daniel
12-3 Weecap	Three Women Are Eliminated Three Women Are Eliminated - Ten women play rugby on the group date, it's like a stupid Super Bowl halftime event, only lamer. Shayne drinks wine, Holly goes to a movie, and everyone hates Robin.	2008.03.31 2008.04.01	C	Daniel
12-2 Weecap	Group Dates: Fashion Show/Las Vegas Group Dates: Fashion Show/Las Vegas - I want to kiss Matt as much as you do. You have succeeded, and I have not. This means you are a whore.	2008.03.25 2008.03.25	D	Daniel
12-1 Weecap	London Calling London Calling - Matt Grant and twenty-five bachelorettes meet each other, and the winnowing begins. Acceptable: biting off chunks of aluminum cans. Unacceptable: stuffing your undies in his trousers.	2008.03.17 2008.03.18	C	Daniel
11-10 Weecap	After The Final Rose After The Final Rose - Brad comes back to face his accusers -- Jenni, DeAnna, and Chris Harrison. It doesn't go so well.	2007.11.20 2007.11.21	C	Sars
11-9 Weecap	The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family The Final Two Women Meet Brad's Family - Aaaaaand then the final two women get negged.	2007.11.19 2007.11.20	A-	Sars
11-8 Weecap	The Women Tell All (Season 11) The Women Tell All (Season 11) - "All" does not mean "new" or "interesting." Even Chris Harrison's zingers don't breathe much life into this reunion retread.	2007.11.12 2007.11.13	C	Sars
11-7 Weecap	A Trip To Cabo San Lucas A Trip To Cabo San Lucas - Jenni dances with dolphins, DeAnna speeds through her lines, and the producers finally hear reason on the Bettina question.	2007.11.05 2007.11.06	B	Sars
11-6 Weecap	Brad Meets The Families Brad Meets The Families - Jenni's grandma kicks ass, Bettina's family sucks ass, and Mike Fleiss shows his ass when Sheena gets sent home.	2007.10.29 2007.10.30	B	Sars
11-5 Weecap	A Romantic Gondola Ride A Romantic Gondola Ride - I don't know what gondola ride they were watching, but the one in this episode is really awkward. Not as awkward as Hillary, though. Ohhhhhh, Hillary.	2007.10.22 2007.10.23	B+	Sars
11-4 Weecap	Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride Brad Takes One On A Helicopter Ride - And another three get the heave-ho: Stephy, which is too bad, and the odious Jade and McCarten, which is long overdue.	2007.10.15 2007.10.16	A-	Sars
11-3 Weecap	Brad Takes Six Women To The Circus Brad Takes Six Women To The Circus - Then he sics his identical twin Chad on the pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail party. In between, Hillary has a meltdown, Bettina confesses, McCarten is a bitch some more, and Solisa tries too hard.	2007.10.08 2007.10.09	B	Sars
11-2 Weecap	After The Fall After The Fall - After group dates to the racetrack and the beach, Jade, Hillary, and McCarten emerge as front-runners in the Hateable Derby. Michele falls down the stairs -- then out of contention, followed by Erin and Mallory. Jenni and Brad kiss. Solisa is a weirdo.	2007.09.31 2007.10.02	B-	Sars
11-1 Weecap	"I Will Find A Wife" An Entrepreneur Looks For Love - Meet Brad Womack. He's ready to settle down, find a nice lady, get married, and repeat himself about that shit twenty-eight squillion times on this season of The Bachelor. Also in this ep: foobs, the human pretzel, and…Melissa. Ohhhhhh, Melissa.	2007.09.24 2007.09.25	B-	Sars
6-3 Recap	Heather Is A Loser Heather Is A Loser - Heather and Mary come back. Heather leaves again.	2004.10.06 2004.10.11	C	Kim
6-2 Recap	Leina Has Left the Building Leina Has Left the Building - Byron moves into the women's mansion, and Leina splits because she loves someone else. Four more women get eliminated.	2004.09.29 2004.10.03	B-	Kim
6-1 Recap	The Bassmaster The Bassmaster - The women choose Byron, and Byron eliminates ten women.	2004.09.22 2004.09.27	B	Kim
5-7 Recap	Jesse's Mom Has Got It Going On Djb's Last Bachelor* Recap Ever, Suckas!* - Whatever. Jesse's castrating, pearl-clutching, evil WASP mom is really only in this episode for a few minutes, but Djb wanted to put that index title there to remind everyone that Fountains Of Wayne is actually a really good band.	2004.05.19 2004.05.20	A+	Djb
5-6 Recap	A Fantasy Suite In The Lincoln Bedroom Taller Than The Washington Monument - Washington D.C.! The birthplace of our nation. And, according to this show, the birthplace of romance. Go there with someone you hate today.	2004.05.12 2004.05.15	A+	Djb
5-5 Recap	A Wrong Turn On The Southern State Gun Shy - Andrews, Texas. Paul's Valley, Oklahoma. Ech. No wonder people hate America.	2004.05.05 2004.05.08	C	Djb
5-4 Recap	Jenny Jenny, Who Can I Turn To? Marching Orders - Not Jenny, that's who. Because you don't listen, Jesse. BECAUSE YOU DON'T LISTEN!	2004.04.28 2004.05.02	C-	Djb
5-3 Recap	Spy In The House Of Love Spy In The House Of Love - Trish is a whore, and the other women stone her to death.	2004.04.21 2004.04.26	B+	Kim
5-2 Recap	Your Trish Your Trish Is On His List Spy Vs. Not Spy - Trish is also in Jesse's pants. And his wallet. And...his heart?	2004.04.14 2004.04.17	C-	Djb
5-1 Recap	The Hell Nine Yards I Spy - Football, basketball, baseball, and equestrian all become one generically uber-sized MegaSport when it comes to mixing metaphors about back-up quarterback Jesse Palmer. We'd call this episode a "touchdown," but we're not sure Jesse's ever gotten one, so he might not know what that is. Also? This episode is not a touchdown.	2004.04.07 2004.04.10	C	Djb
4-9 Recap	Low Interest Rate Two Become One - One of the remaining two girls fosters a "connection" with Bob's family based on the fact that she does something with mortgages and he does something with mortgages. In the perfect illustration of this episode's inability to hold an audience's attention, Djb can't remember if that was the winner or the loser.	2003.11.19 2003.11.20	A+	Djb
4-8 Recap	Friendster Is For Suckers! The Women Tell All (Season 4) - With a lack of anything better to do during this deathly slow reunion special, Djb resorts to discussing how he can't get laid.	2003.11.12 2003.11.13	A+	Djb
4-7 Recap	Northern Overexposure Me Estella, Eugene - Fantasy Dates to the north, south, and creamy nougat center of North America confirm Mary as the loser, Estella as the dark horse, and Kelly Jo as the perky next-Bachelorette-in-training.	2003.11.05 2003.11.07	B	Djb
4-6 Recap	¡Hola Again! Death Becomes Them - Why is Mary still on this show? Remove the feeding tube, Florida. It's OVER.	2003.10.29 2003.11.03	B-	Djb
4-5 Recap	Mary, Mary, Why Ya Buggin'? This Is Getting Old - Mary cries crocodile tears, even though Djb is not entirely sure of what "crocodile tears" are. Isn't it when you cry and you're also old, scaly, and reptilian? If so, Mary cries crocodile tears.	2003.10.22 2003.10.23	C-	Djb
4-4 Recap	Divas Live Lee-Ann Freaks Out - Lee-Ann drips diamonds and the other girls drip venom as Bob's least compatible lady sails on a transvestite cruise ship.	2003.10.15 2003.10.17	C-	Djb
4-3 Recap	Skinny Amy It's My Bachelor Party And I'll Cry Because I'm Crazy And/Or Sad About The Sudden Death Of My Grandmother - Bob plugs his band and Djb plugs his ears.	2003.10.08 2003.10.09	C	Djb
4-2 Recap	No Chris is Good Chris The Chris/Miss Party - It is now officially, contractually sanctioned to find the existence of Chris Harrison worthy of putting us all in a really bad mood.	2003.09.31 2003.10.02	C	Djb
4-1 Recap	She's A Bad Mama Jama It's So Nice To Finally Meet You! - "Bad" in a good way, of course. After all, this is Bob s mother we're talking about here, and Bob is very close with his family. That's just the way Bob rocks the slang up here in this hizzy.	2003.09.24 2003.09.27	B-	Djb
3-9 Recap	WASP Bites Sibling Bling Rivalry - In a creepy domestic twist on Othello, a man plants the seeds of jealousy inside a previously pure spirit, and the results are...well, Bill-tastic. The next Bachelor? Should totally be Bill.	2003.05.18 2003.05.19	B-	Djb
3-8 Recap	Recapping the Recap The Women Tell All (Season 3) - Previously on The Bachelor...this.	2003.05.14 2003.05.16	C	Djb
3-7 Recap	Aloha, Oy Bowling For Dullards - Three overnight dates, three discreet camera exits when things get...well, when they get all overnighty. (Okay, two discreet camera exits and one dose of panting.) Adios, Tina Fabulous -- the wispy thread of personality you periodically displayed was far too much for Andrew Firestone, Captain of the S.S. Snoozebomber.	2003.05.07 2003.05.12	C	Miss Alli
3-6 Recap	I Don't Give a Damn 'Bout the Whole State of Michigan Life (x4) - 'Cause I'm from Ohio. And so is Jen. And maybe some other people, too. Whatever. All those states look the same.	2003.04.30 2003.05.02	C+	Djb
3-5 Recap	Seventy-Minute Man Tennis, Everyone? - If you can't tell a story in the time allotted, you need to switch to a genre in which some kind of "overtime" is permitted.	2003.04.23 2003.04.24	C-	Djb
3-4 Recap	So, You Don't Like Italian? When You're Here, You're Family - Andrew will not be having the special, thanks.	2003.04.16 2003.04.19	B-	Djb
3-3 Recap	Djb Hates Rich People Self-Respect, Or Shaq Thereof - And here are about a thousand reasons why.	2003.04.09 2003.04.10	B+	Djb
3-2 Recap	Retreading Water Spill The Whine - Even Jesus couldn't turn tires into wine.	2003.04.02 2003.04.03	A+	Djb
3-1 Recap	Welcome to the Steel Wheels Tour The Bachelor Revealed (Season 3) - Because so much is riding on your tires.	2003.03.26 2003.03.29	C	Djb
2-9 Recap	Congratulations! Now, Go Away. May The Best Ass Win - Aaron asks Helene to marry him. Can we talk about something else now?	2002.11.20 2002.11.24	N/A	Shack
2-8 Recap	14:56...14:57...14:58... The Women Tell All (Season 2) - The rejected women return to blather, bicker, and bore us all with justifications for their desperate, pathetic, or just-plain-crazy behavior. Don't you ladies have a Blind Date casting call to get to?	2002.11.13 2002.11.16	C	Shack
2-7 Recap	He Did It All for the Nookie Wet, But Not Very Wild - Aaron pretends that he still has doubts about which bachelorette he wants in order to wrangle make-out sessions from the three who are left. Then he dumps Gwen, the one who didn't wave her ass in his face while wearing a bikini.	2002.11.06 2002.11.09	C-	Shack
2-6 Recap	What, No Dowries? Fun For The Whole Family - Gwen's, Helene's, and Brooke's families all think Aaron's great and that he's making their respective loved ones happy. Angela's roommate hates him and her family couldn't care less about him. Guess who gets eliminated?	2002.10.30 2002.11.03	B-	Shack
2-5 Recap	Grim, Scary Tales Cult Of (No) Personality - Gwen plays Cinderella. Heather plays Ursula. Brooke plays (Southern) Belle. Angela and Hayley play those two people in the background who don't get any lines. Helene just plays Aaron.	2002.10.23 2002.10.26	C	Shack
2-4 Recap	Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? Week Three - Aaron likes Helene's ass and Brooke's insecurities, but doesn't like Christi's mental instability or Shannon's...something. We never really got to know her, anyway. Brunette Heather slips on her second face when Brooke isn't around. And some women freak because Aaron gave Helene his phone number. Maybe he'll let her wear his letter jacket soon.	2002.10.16 2002.10.22	B-	Shack
2-4 Recap	Is That a Pink Sperm Whale Between Your Legs, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me? Love Means Never Having To Say You're Crazy - Aaron likes Helene's ass and Brooke's insecurities, but doesn't like Christi's mental instability or Shannon's...something. We never really got to know her, anyway. Brunette Heather slips on her second face when Brooke isn't around. And some women freak because Aaron gave Helene his phone number. Maybe he'll let her wear his letter jacket soon.	2002.10.16 2002.10.21	B-	Shack
2-3 Recap	The Witless Bride Leaving Normal - Christi pouts and rolls her eyes and tries to poison Aaron against Suzanne, then has a insane crying hissyfit when Anindita calls her out on it. It's a fairy tale, all right -- one where people get shoved into ovens or mauled by wild animals.	2002.10.09 2002.10.12	A-	Shack
2-2 Recap	Music Hath Charms to Rouse the Savage Breasts Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me Your Name? - Aaron plays the piano and kicks out the women with small boobies and the ones who indicate that they have minds of their own.	2002.10.02 2002.10.05	C	Shack
2-1 Recap	Love Is in the Heir The Bachelor Revealed (Season 2) - A small-town daddy's boy is looking for a new toy: a pretty girl who doesn't know the difference between "genuine sincerity" and "smug self-satisfaction." Fortunately for him, nobody involved with this show seems to know, either. Also, Alex and Amanda are still faker than an aluminum Christmas tree.	2002.09.25 2002.09.28	N/A	Shack

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