Sean Tells All

Episode Report Card
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Damage Control Freak

Welcome to Sean Tells As Much As He Can Since There Are Still Three Women In The Running To Pretend To Be Engaged To Him For A Month After The Finale!

Chris Harrison welcomes us all to a "very special" edition of this shit show, and recaps Sean's nauseating emotional journey. He says viewers have had lots of questions, like "What was Sean thinking?" and "Is he REALLY this stupid?" and "Does this guy even have a job?" I don't see any way how this isn't the result of Sean watching the current season and realizing he comes off like a moron and a dick, and asking ABC for a chance to explain why he really is a great guy instead!

Harrison sits down with Sean and they reflect on how far they've come in like a month or however much time has elapsed. Sean pretends he has strong feelings for the three remaining women, and he's looking forward to alone time away from cameras so they can discuss any concerns or whatever they might have (i.e. visit STD clinic together to get tested). Oh, wait, Sean's been revirginized or whatever, right? I'm anticipating the Vegas dates to be chaste, but that Sean will let the women agree to stay overnight in his fantasy suite before he piously announces that he would rather wait.

Anyway, let's revisit what happened last night: Sean sent Desiree home. "It killed me, and it was a heart-wrenching decision," says Sean, who fascinatingly adds that he kept Catherine over Desiree because he felt there was stronger potential with Catherine.

Harrison asks about Desiree's brother Nate confronting him, and asks if he had any trouble. Sean dickishly brings up Nate having gotten in trouble as a youth. Nice little character assassination to deflect from the fact that Nate was completely right. Goddamn, how much of this do we have to watch again? It was just on! "Attacking my character is the quickest way to get me heated," says Sean, acting all tough long after the situation has passed.

And then we see more conversation between Nate and Sean in which Nate isn't calling Sean an asshole, and then Sean winds up calling the guy a jackass. Oh, and wow, this is "fun". We get to see tweets pop up on screen letting us know what idiots think of The Bachelor, including from one "HeidiMontag," who is of the opinion that the new season of the show is amazing. Other choice tweets include the opinion of people who want Sean to just take his shirt off and tell them who he chooses already.

And now we're all supposed to feel bad for Sean who felt "crushed" by Desiree telling him he's making a big mistake. And then he pulls his ol' "I have too much respect for her to keep dating her" routine, and this show has so much respect for Desiree that it shows us an extended version of Desiree blubbering in the limo on her way out.

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