Sean Tells All

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Damage Control Freak

Commercial break! Like an oasis in the desert!

And now's the part where Sean tries to convince everyone that he's not the world's biggest asshole for the way he treated Sarah. Good luck with that! We watch some of the Sarah highlights, and eventually Sean explains that when she kissed him, that's when he knew he wasn't going to marry her, and that's why he didn't wait until the ceremony. Which implies that he never knows if he's letting anyone else go UNTIL a rose ceremony, which is of course utter bullshit. And here we go again, with the viewers expected to feel sorry for Sean because of how tough this was on him, and how his bullet to Sarah's head was done out of respect.

Sean says he hopes Sarah understands that someone will love her for the rest of her life. He really should be not allowed even to speak Sarah's name.

Let's move on now to two more "fan favorites" (really, everyone is a fan favorite except for Sean). Selma first: An Iraqi Muslim, she's not really allowed to "date out loud," and I'd like it explained why we're supposed to think that rule is important to her since she decided to go on the Bachelor in the first place. And then some jaunty music starts up as we watch Sean try to get her completely surrender her morals, and we're then reminded of how it was the night she finally did kiss him that he sent her home. "I fully appreciated the gesture," Sean says (ever the romantic), but by then it was too late. "Over time, I just realized this is someone I'm not sure I can really have a partnership for the rest of my life," he says.

On the opposite end of the kiss-willingness spectrum is Lesley, with whom he broke a record that's not really a record for longest on-screen kiss. "That three-minute kiss, it felt like it was thirty seconds," he says, which is ... actually kind of long for a kiss, which isn't really what he's trying to say.

Then there is some sickmaking video of Lesley feeding him a brownie, and Sean saying, "You know how Daddy likes his brownie," and then him feeding it her, with her saying, "Stick it in my mouth" and dissolving into laughter. And then he dumped her because he thought things were too awkward with her later. Harrison asks him if it would have been different if she'd managed to tell him she loves him like she wanted to, and Sean eye-rollingly says it could have been a "gamechanger." He thinks he would have kept her. "How fortunes might have changed," says Harrison, managing to deliver that line with way more gravitas than it deserves.

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