Bachelor
Sean Tells All

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
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Damage Control Freak

And now it is time to talk about Godzilla. Keyser Soze. Galactus. Tierra. Sean talks about his sister coming to St. Croix so she could talk to Tierra and determine if she really is nice or is actually a horrifying she-beast. But of course, when he showed up, he walked into a "hornet's nest." He shows up, and Tierra's in fake tears and can't form a sentence. Yeah, we all remember. It was awesome!

Now that he's seen what happened, he says he feels like he was duped. In Sean's defense, he doesn't appear to have much of a brain to figure out things like this anyway. He says Tierra should never have come on this show, since she clearly can't handle things and can't get along with her peers. Harrison brings up the common suggestion that women like Tierra are producer's plants, kept on for drama. Sean is basically, "Nope, I really am that dumb."

And now we are talking about being in Montana and how awful it was that all the women were focusing on Tierra instead of on him where their attention should have been, and by this point we can assume the damage control this Sean Tells All special is meant to perform has not been successful.

And remember there was a fight? No, me neither. I can only remember one episode back at a time. But it's the one where Robyn and Catherine and Leslie, among others, ganged up on Tierra. Harrison says the fight went on for hours and they just couldn't show it all, and when it was time for the rose ceremony, Sean was in rough shape. "Being the Bachelor is not easy. In fact, it's really hard sometimes," whines Sean. Tell us more about how tough this gig is, Sean!

Then Sean and Harrison bro-bond over how Tierra almost ruined the whole experience but thank god that wench wasn't successful, amirite? And then for some reason we talk about Ashley P., which is the woman who was really into Fifty Shades of Grey, and she kept telling him over and over again about how much her mother is into him. "At that point, I realized, OK, she's just smashed," Sean tells Harrison. And once he knows she's a drunken slut, it's easy for him to get rid of her. Harrison says he had Ashley in the final four in his Bachelor pool, and I hope his joke is both a) As if such a thing exists and b) as if he would put weirdo Fifty Shades in the final four.

And now there is awkward banter about Catherine passing him odd notes about how hairless his arms are. And then he uses "literally" correctly, so hooray for that! Also, Catherine was able to fit into the wheelwell of the snow bus they rode on the ice bus. And here's Daniella doing an impression of Chris Harrison. "She does a better Chris Harrison than Chris Harrison," says Sean. Your sense of humour is amazing, Sean!

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