Bachelor
Season 16, Episode 2

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"What Do You Get When You Cross a Gingerbread Man With a Hooker?"

Sonoma, California, home of Ben Flajninkva, who is ecstatic because eighteen beautiful women are coming to vie for his affections. The women are currently in a plane, befouling the limited cabin oxygen with the stench of spray-on tan and chardonnay. He wonders what his father would have said to him in a moment like this. I suspect the word "jackass" may have come up.

All of the women are in that scenario where they're excited just for the chance to have a date with Ben, and not yet ready to commit homicide because Ben spent five minutes more with someone else. It's kind of magical, in its own way! Kacie B. gets the first date card, which she and the other women seem to think is some kind of honor. "I'm the luckiest girl alive right now," she says. Dangerously low expectations may be Ben's greatest ally here.

Then the ominous music starts up, and Courtney tells us Kacie B. is kind of annoying, and Courtney wouldn't care if Kacie B. didn't come home. Ben tells us he picked her because she's a real, genuine woman, instead of his usual type, which are always a pain to deflate and get back in the box.

So for the first date they go driving around Sonoma, apparently. Maybe they'll split a few beers in the 7-Eleven parking lot later! "Showing her my town is a good way to kind of let her in early," he says. Kacie calls it a quaint little town.

There's a piano in some Sonoma hotel, and I'm sure the staff there appreciate him showing her some sub-"Chopsticks" plinking as well as the obnoxious glissandos. Ben runs into some people he knows on the street and then Ben is talking about how southern women are very family-oriented, and now they are in a candy shop.

And then she buys a baton so she can tell him that she used to twirl one, and then she teaches him how to do it. "I don't think a lot of guys would walk down a street and twirl a baton with a woman," he says, congratulating himself for swallowing his pride for the relationship and making himself out to be some kind of prince among men for waving a stick around for the benefit of some woman he wants to nail.

They go for dinner at some place called "The Girl & The Fig" and then they talk about how awesome Sonoma is. She asks him what he learned from his father about what kind of man he wanted to be. Can we see his baton twirling again? Ben talks about what a good dad his father was, and how involved he was in the community. Kacie talks about how easy and natural her chemistry was with Ben, but I guess that happened when the cameras are off.

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Bachelor

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