Bachelor
Season 17 Overnight Dates

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We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off

Sean stands on the prow of a boat making its way through the aquamarine beauty of the waters in south Thailand, using all the brain power of a ship's figurehead as he lies his way through an introduction that's all about how "freakin' crazy" he is about all three women, a sentiment that's usually expressed by people being booed by the audience at daytime talk shows.

We ramble through his relationship with Catherine, who's "nerdy and goofy," according to Sean, and he refers to their "morals and values" being in sync, which I tend to think is code for "she knows her place."

Then there's AshLee, with whom he has "probably the strongest relationship," he tells us. She's got one of the biggest hearts he's ever come across, and she's open and honest and communicates, by which he means she spends all her time telling him how awesome he is. They want the same type of thing: same type of family, same type of marriage, same type of future (the listed order is his). She's also inspirational or whatever, and you really get the sense that Sean views women's histories as existing solely to be mined for his own life lessons and contemplation.

And now there's Lindsay. Did he just say she doesn't have the "depth and maturity" that he's looking for? I guess we're supposed to accept that because he condescendingly explains that she's more than just the crazy broad in a wedding dress. And then Exhibit A is Lindsay weirdly talking about when she was an "adolescent" and her father being away for the war. In contrast to the inspirational stories of the other two, Sean seems to value Lindsay for not having any of the baggage that makes her sad sometimes and therefore not fun to be around.

Sean says he's just praying that he finds his wife here and that the next time he says "I love you" is forever. Start holding your breath now! Seriously, Sean. Start holding it. We'll wait.

First up for the overnight audition, at something called the "Anantara Si Kao Resort," which I of course heard as "sea cow resort," and Sean is talking about how open he is to trying new things. On this episode, I generally assume he's referring to a new sexual position. Lindsay tells us that last date she told she Sean she's "falling in love" with him, and if this date goes well she hopes to tell him she's actually "in love" with him, and maybe the nuances are apparent to these birdbrains, but I confess to being baffled.

Then they go to a "Thai market" which I believe is also known as a "market" and Lindsay marvels at how different it is from Missouri. Sean wants to test Lindsay. She apparently told him on the way to the market that she'd try eating anything but bugs, so he's decided to completely ignore her wishes and put her on the spot at one stall offering the delicacies on a skewer. Lindsay tells us she considered not eating it, but then realized that it wasn't up to her, because Sean wanted her to. I mean, she realized that Sean was so "brave" in trying a food that's slightly different from what he's normally used to. Sean is pleased by her acquiescence.

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