Harrison announces it's time for the first rose ceremony -- are there even any roses left to give out? Kacie's getting anxious over her roseless status, as is Kelly. Sean tells them that the women far exceeded his expectations, but he's got some hard decisions to make, by which he means he's not completely decided which women have the proper genetic makeup to carry his seed.

At the Rose Ceremony, twelve women already have roses, so there's only seven left to give out. Sean comes out and thanks them all for their patience in waiting all night just to spend a few moments with him. "Ultimately, I would love to find my wife, and tonight I feel more confident than ever that this can work." He talks about tough decisions again, then starts handing out the remaining roses.

Amanda. Lesley M. Kacie. Kristy. Daniella. Taryn (who whispers to him that this is great since she didn't get a chance to talk to him tonight).

One rose left. Among the contenders: Fifty Shades, Wedding Dress and Several Interchangeable Blondes. And the rose goes to... Wedding Dress, who may also be known as Lindsay.

Lauren (a journalist!) is the first out the door, and then someone who I don't know who it is, and then Paige, who now has the ignominious distinction of having been on two Bachelor-universe shows and didn't receive a single rose on either one. Kelly seems more worried about what getting kicked off the first show will do for her romantic prospects in the future. Who's going to want to date someone who sang a song for Sean and got kicked off the first week of The Bachelor? She calls it the most embarrassing thing ever, which makes me think she actually leads a pretty charmed life. She wipes tears from her eyes, and wonders what he saw in other women that he didn't see in her. Ashley H. (is that three?) says she thinks Sean is missing out, and she wants someone to share her world with.

Sean tells the survivors that they're about to embark on a crazy journey, and they toast the upcoming season of insipid conversations, unrealistic expectations, tearful recriminations, and STD medications.

Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. If the Bachelor can just hand out roses whenever he wants, what's next? Keeping women he actually wants to date instead of the producer picks for maximum drama? Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.