As always, when kids are involved, the Bachelor sets ovaries exploding simply by being in the presence of children. Since he didn't murder any over the entire course of the date, he's given the all-important "Likely To Be a Good Dad" title.

Back at the house, Courtney is passively-aggressively trying to undermine the other women, grilling Lindzi over why she got the first impression rose, when Courtney and Ben have an undeniable connection. "I think the horse got the first impression rose," Courtney tells us. Erika: "There's something a little off about Courtney." Is it that she seems dead inside?

Meanwhile, the kids have divvied up the roles. Blakeley is a gingerbread man, prompting Samantha to ask: "What do you get when you cross a gingerbread man with a hooker? Blakeley!" Which is funnier than anything I'll ever come up with.

And then we go to the community theatre in Sonoma, which is filling up with Ben's friends and assorted old people and kids. Emily says: "I am way more nervous now that I know that this is going to be in a real theatre with people that are expecting a professional show." I repeat: it's the community theatre in Sonoma, full of Ben's friends and assorted old people and kids. Every play I've ever gone to in a small town has gotten a standing ovation, because a) everyone in the audience knows someone in the play and b) they're applauding themselves for being so special by ATTENDING a play.

Ben, who has been given the role of Shaved Geico Caveman Pretending to Be a Prince, stars in some story about Prince Pinot of Bachelorville, who is lonely and wants a wife, and he has to slay a dragon and kiss an ass and strip down to his underwear because I guess the 12-year-old playwrights wanted to see his abs, and there are flubbed lines galore, and then, in the end, the play gets a standing ovation, which I worry may convince some of these bachelorettes that they can actually act.