The next day, Ben brings his little dog Scotch on his date with Courtney, and it has to be one of the most boring sequences I can ever recall on this show. They wander among the redwoods and have a picnic by the lake and Courtney watches Ben put a blanket around Scotch when Scotch gets cold. The only thing I noticed is that all plant life withered to dust wherever Courtney left a footprint, which I thought was kind of interesting.

Then it's time for a stroll through the vineyards to a candlelit dinner under a tree. Here is an example of the sparkling conversation that is part of why both of these dingbats say this is the best date they've ever been on: "I knew once, after I talked to you, it was like, 'Oh, yeah, I like him.'" And now Ben is talking about all the fun and partying he did when he was working in Internet advertising, and if I'm expected to stay awake all night to recap this nonsense, something's going to have to pick up. I mean, I'm not asking for ninjas, but ... actually, ninjas would be nice.

He's dumbfounded that a woman as self-centered as Courtney is still single. Well, he didn't use the word "self-centered." "Found underwear in the bed, you name it," Courtney tells him. "I've got some trust issues, I'm not going to lie," she adds. Then there is talk of "Aha" moments and then she leans in for a kiss, and they kiss, and then she gets a rose because Ben is ridiculously easy to please, I think. And now they are making out again. "Courtney does make me think big picture. She does," Ben tells us. "All the other girls should watch out, because I got the rose!" she tells us, somehow forgetting that she's not even the first woman this episode to get a rose. Now she is rubbing the rose all over her neck, and thankfully we're out to commercial right away. You know, the word "vapid" is used all too often when discussing The Bachelor, but in this case...

Anyway, on to the cocktail party, where Blakeley the designated sexpot outrages the other women by -- despite already having a rose -- snatching Ben away from Samantha (who is referring to Blakeley as "Jugs," by the way). And then when she does it a second time? I've seen news footage of people overthrowing dictatorships who were less angry than the other Bachelorettes. Brittney, who is kind of dating a guy while he dates seventeen other women, wonders if Blakeley even has any morals. "It's like a war out there," says Courtney, taking a calming sip of red wine.