So the first few few minutes of The Bachelor tonight were cut off because of a governor's speech, and when we join the women, they've already arrived in Park City, Utah, so I'm going to assume that the first minutes consisted solely of people being ridiculously excited about getting to go to Utah. What's next: Des Moines, Iowa! Lovely Newark!

Anyway, all the women get a lecture from Chris Harrison on not being boring people when they have time to talk to Ben, and then he's all, "Later, bitches!" and he drops the microphone and stomps out of the condo or chalet or whatever this place is. Kacie B. is hoping she gets a one-on-one date. Well, presumably they all do, but Kacie B's who we're focused on now. But that's not who the first card is for. "Rachel, let's let nature take its course... Ben." Rachel and her bangs talk about her communication issues sinking a past relationship or relationships or something. And we watch Kacie B. shed actual tears over not getting a one-on-one date. How depressing. Kacie's become the bachelorette I like most and is therefore the one who bums me out the most because she seems too smart to fall for any of the nonsense that this show involves.

Back from commercial, another Kacie interview, more tears because she's not the one going on the date. OK, this is getting pathetic. Oh, it gets worse, because Ben comes in to pick Rachel up, and Kacie says as much as it hurts that he's there to pick someone else up, at least she got to see him for a minute, and I am officially done with Kacie, who has possibly been brainwashed.

So Ben and Rachel are taking a damn helicopter on this date, and the helicopter unfortunately appears to be in perfect working order. So they've flown to a lake for a picnic, and Ben defends The Bachelor's cheap-ass dates this season by talking about how the low-key dates are a good way to get to know someone. They go for a paddle in a canoe and then, in the middle of a lake swarming with flies, start making out.

Back at the house, Kacie is complaining to Monica about how hard it is to be a big whiny crybaby over a shaved caveman dating a bunch of other whiny crybabies. I may be paraphrasing her position. Monica reassures her by saying that she doesn't see much of a connection between Rachel and Ben.

Back at the lake, Ben and Rachel are guzzling wine, and we are getting all the awkward small talk, all the pauses. Rachel complains about sitting in the sun and getting lines on her face, and Ben says "crow's feet" while looking at Rachel's crow's feet. You can't tell me that all conversations Ben has with women doesn't have these moments, so I don't buy that this conversation is "lagging" (Ben's word) than other conversations. But she's getting the "she's on her way out" edit, so they have to show us what a zero she is, right? Ben points out a beaver lodge. There isn't a lot of activity around the lodge, so it doesn't look like Ben's going to see any beavers any time soon.

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