And now it's what all of America has been waiting for: The final segment, which means the longest possible time until the next Bachelor! No, it's time to introduce the next Bachelorette, which, to one's surprise, is Desiree.
She walks out to a standing ovation, and now she is calling all this support a blessing. Jesus, even the cardinals choosing the next pope don't drop this many religious references. Anyway, keep in mind that Desiree is currently at her peak likeability, a trait that will get whittled away week by week this summer as she moans about how hard it is to be on this show that no one forced her to do. Harrison asks how she thinks it'll all turn out. She hopes to meet the man of her dreams, obviously. The greater chance is of "brief run of tabloid covers followed by a return to obscurity." Then she appears ready to take on all twenty-five men. Yipes! Like, at once, or would they take turns?
Then Desiree shakes the hands of her adoring public -- seemingly surprised that a Bachelor studio audience is supportive of the whole business -- but unfortunately the show doesn't cut her mike, because we listen to her say "Thank you soooo much" about fifty times. I like her less already. But that's a problem for Summer Recapper Daniel (or maybe someone else, if the good lord sees fit to bring me home before then). It depends on how blessed I am.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. He promises to keep in touch with all the friends he made at the best summer camp ever! Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at email@example.com.