Anyway, from the way they play, you'd think the winners were actually going to be executed. They are terrible -- like first-ten-minutes-of-every-underdog-sports-movie terrible.
Then one team wins, but I don't even know who's on which team. "I hate that the losing team has to go home," says Sean. Again, Sean: You are not going to get to keep making out with everyone indefinitely. There are some tears and apologies on the losing side, but it's just for being shitty at volleyball, and not for perpetuating this awful show for years beyond when it should have been spiked into the sand and left there forever.
The losers -- in every sense -- arrive back at the house, still crying and whining about nothing that anyone will remember two days from now.
Meanwhile, the winners are getting cocky over winning LESS-CROWDED SEAN TIME. Lindsay sits down with him. "Oh my gosh I am just like so amazed by you," says Lindsay, who I hate to point out is, as a substitute teacher, occasionally responsible for shaping the minds of America's youth.
And then there's Desiree? I think? Sean says he likes her confidence and never gets tired of hanging out with her, or, it seems, having his hand on her ass. Desiree tells us she's a lot of fun and thinks differently from most people, and not just on the surface. All of her statements fall into the category of either "If you have to tell someone you're a particular way, then you are not actually that way" or "That makes zero sense" or "You are a mental case."
There's another date card at the house: It's for AshLee and Selma, says Tierra. But it's not actually for Selma, just AshLee, and Tierra was making a ... joke? ... by pretending it was also for someone else? Sarah babbles for hours about how "not cool" that was.
Back on the date, Amanda is explaining to Sean that she's everything he's looking for in a woman, and if they were to get married, "I will bring such a light, airy, fun atmosphere," she tells him. Desiree talks a whole lot of shit about how different Amanda is with Sean than she is with everyone else.
Kacie takes note of the growing tension between Desiree and Amanda, and decides she's going to warn Sean about the drama, because there's nothing better than the contestant who thinks she's not interested in the drama but tattles about drama between others? You can see Sean's eyes go dead when he realizes where this is going. "Why are you saying something to me?" he asks. "Why are you involving yourself in this?" And then this: "I want you to act like Kacie, not this crazy person that I'm seeing," says Sean. It's like a car crash, with Kacie full aware of how terrible a decision this was, but unable to pull out of it. I mean, when you are told to your face that you are acting like a "crazy person" by the Bachelor, that's not a successful date.