And oh god, here comes Tierra down the street. We actually see her arrive in the background while Sean is doing an interview, and she sneaks up behind him and covers his eyes with her hands.
And when we come back from commercial, we watch that happen again for some reason, like WE JUST SAW THIS FIVE MINUTES AGO. And then Sean has to pretend to be happy to see this crazy woman showing up. Tierra explains to us that she doesn't care what people think of her -- well, that's clear -- but she's got to do what's right for her. Anyway, in contrast to what she said before, she now says she's pissed about the two-on-one. She calls it a huge slap in the face, and how Sean doesn't say, "Well, you're not going to have to go on it, or any other date now because you're going home immediately," I don't understand, until I remember that he seems to be an idiot.
Tierra flounces off, all proud of herself for stalking Sean like this, and Sean hustles back to the other eight women, who are now jockeying for Sean's time. AshLee interrupts Desiree -- who should get some sort of goat's-milk-chugging free pass tonight -- and starts blathering at Sean's face about how she has a "soul connection" with him. "I just adore you," she says. They start kissing, but I think he might have been doing that to shut her up. "I can honestly say I am falling in love with him," she says.
Back at the house, the two-on-one card arrives. "Love is a wild ride," it says. Tierra's patting herself on the back for her pre-emptive strike tonight, which Jackie has no idea about.
On the date, Sean explains that he just wants to "snuggle" with Catherine, and the number of ways this person continues to be an embarrassment to the male of the species keep adding up. Which isn't to say that Catherine isn't a knockout, because she is.
Meanwhile, Daniella -- who is probably confused that the other women didn't literally die when she showed up -- decides to go interrupt Catherine's time, but appears to be thrown off at the sight of Catherine sitting on his lap, and she goes back inside and falls to pieces, crying.
Sean eventually stops making out with Catherine and seeks out Daniella, who keeps crying and talking about how emotional she is, and he talks about how sweet she is (you know, for being so NOT-AT-ALL CREEPILY obsessed with him that she breaks into tears over this stupid shit), and now they're making out.
And now he's with all of the women and explaining that one of the woman showed him a side tonight that he hadn't seen before, and then he gives the rose to Daniella, and between this and his meltdown-rewarding rose for Tierra, I think Sean deserves whatever unhappiness this show visits upon him. He's clueless. All you have to do to impress Sean is fall apart and basically not be able to handle your shit at all, and he'll give you the special boner rose.
Here's the two-on-one date, and it looks like, yet again, that the loser is just sent home and not actually executed, so I guess the producers ignored my petition YET AGAIN. Tierra is really pleased with herself for telling Sean last night that this date is a slap in her face. Well, since she didn't get sent home immediately, maybe she's got reason to be cocky. She gloats that Jackie doesn't know she's on a date with her and her husband.
So they go horseback riding for a million years, Tierra gloating to us and Jackie telling us she's going to tell Sean how not genuine Tierra is. And what that means is apparently at the airport there was a cute guy and Tierra said he was cute and flirted with him. "That is the kind of stuff I need to know," says Sean, all serious, because he needs to know if his woman plans to friendly to other males, and he rewards her with kisses.
Back to the lodge for dinner. "I hope Tierra enjoys her last meal. She should probably eat a little more of that fish because she won't be having more of it when I get that rose," Jackie tells us.
Sean, meanwhile, says he has a lot of questions tonight, and he doesn't know who to give the rose to. Why not both of them? You can do that, right? He pulls Tierra aside. "I am so flustered with my feelings and emotions," she tells us. She suspects Jackie "talked crap" about her, probably because a producer told her, or because if you're going to act hateful and superior, you can probably assume others are going to talk crap about you. She's much smarter about her time with Sean, though "reluctantly" admitting that she has "the biggest heart" and gets scared. This is The Bachelor version of a job interview, when you're asked what your biggest fault is and you say something like, "I'm a perfectionist -- I can't go home until the job is done right." She talks about her last relationship, which lasted five years, while he was in and out of rehab because that's just how damn loyal she is, and then the guy died a few years ago. Would anyone be surprised to find out Tierra's making it up? I wouldn't be, but she seems a little genuine for us when she acknowledges that she's worried Sean's a little freaked out by her oversharing.
Sean and Tierra head back to the table, where he weirdly tells Jackie that their relationship has been slower to develop, and he knows why and he respects that. Did I miss why? Not that I care, or anything. But it's pretty clear -- and Jackie's face falls -- when Sean starts praising Tierra for opening up tonight, where the rose is going, and sure enough, it goes to Tierra. He explains to us that he knows why she attaches herself so strongly to men. "I need that depth if we're going to move forward," he says. Does anyone have any idea what he's talking about? I mean, I realize he's not going to say "she's got huge breasts" here, but could he come up with at least a coherent explanation?
Jackie cries on the ride back into obscurity, while Tierra cackles -- honest to god cackles -- and we watch Tierra and Sean cuddle by a fire while fireworks explode above them. The women back at the lodge see the fireworks, which I'm going to go ahead and pretend symbolize consummation on this show.
It's time for the cocktail party -- a little earlier than normal, but that's because the dates this week have been utter duds. All the women seem pissed because Tierra's still around.
Desiree gets some alone time, and she seems to have noticed that Sean gives roses to the women who are "having trouble" (i.e. "are total headcases") and she wants some reassurance about what he's looking for. She'd be better off admitting that she's a crack-addicted prostitute (with a heart of gold, naturally). Sean susses out that she really wants to know why he kept Tierra around -- and she is, admittedly, being maddeningly vague -- and as usual when his decisions are in any way questioned, he tenses up, and he tells us his conversation with Desiree left him with doubts. I can't blame him! What if they get married and she's always asking questions about what he's doing, right?
And now we're going to spend time on the "Tierra is crazy" plotline. That does seem to be the consensus of the remaining women. In fairness to Tierra, they do seem to be discussing how tough it is to see such a sweetheart like Jackie go home RIGHT IN FRONT OF TIERRA, which seems a little shitty, although who knows with this show. They keep using the same shot of Tierra looking pissed, so the seams are really starting to show on this travesty. Tierra goes off to sulk and say things like, "I honestly wish I was a fighter. I honestly do, because I would beat the shit out of these bitches" and you're like, "Oh, right. She's evil. I guess I get it, then."
Tierra goes off to sit by herself -- playing the "damsel in distress" routine, according to Robyn, who decides to tell her off. "I'm so sick of her. I will make this the Bad Girls Club," she tells us. Lesley comes along for backup, instead of everybody jus